Heather Morris, otherwise known as Gleeâ€™s Brittany, is pregnant. You heard me. Brittany’s pregnant, bitch. See, this is what happens, Glee. This is what happens when you have a show about high schoolers but you cast adults. They go and do adult things, like get pregnant with babies. Or they have to enter rehab. This is a problem!
You might think to yourself, Brittany is a senior on the show so it doesnâ€™t matter! But it does matter! Brittany shouldnâ€™t graduate in four years! Thatâ€™s not in character! She should graduate in six to fourteen years and keep us entertained dancing the entire time. But she can’t graduate in fourteen years because by then she’ll be 40 and probably doing in vitro to try for a fourth kid.
See,Â Glee, youâ€™re being backed in a plot corner here because you hired a full-blown adult to play a child. And that fake child is having a real child.
According to reports, Heatherâ€™s pregnancy is â€śtotally unexpected.â€ť Well, that seems like a stretch. I mean, if you do certain… things without certain… otherÂ things,Â you can expect certain… things to happen. In your uterus.
This is Heather trying to do you a solid by incorporating teen life principles into her real life. Well, thanks for trying to do the networkâ€™s job, Heather, but we donâ€™t buy that whole, â€śI donâ€™t know how I got pregnantâ€ť thing. Nor should we have to because youâ€™re a grown woman and you are free to grow babies in your belly.
Here’s a question, Universe.Â Why is it that 26-year-old girls are the only ones allowed to work in Hollywood?
I mean, put Heather in a cardigan and sheâ€™s could be the new mom in Pretty Little Liars. Being a 26 year-old-girl is the Hollywood casting equivalent of havingÂ an O-Positive blood type in the blood donation world. You get all the gigs. You can do anything. You might not be a perfect match, but itâ€™s good enough. No one’s gonna die.
Look, I get it. You want to keep the moms hot and young and the teenagers hot and legal. But this is getting a little ridiculous. Letâ€™s cast Heather and her counterparts in roles that are actually suited to women their age.
For instance, let’s cast them in a show about mid-twenties working girls who are figuring out what it means to be adult. They are not new enough to the “real world” that theyâ€™re bad at their jobs or at managing money. Maybe they just got their first promotion, can finally afford some throw pillows from West Elm, have decided that the curling iron isn’t the most efficient use of their time in the morning. They (like Heather) are in steady, fulfilling relationships with boys who have some art on the walls alongside their Animal House posters. They get to bed at a reasonable time but still go out for girls’ nights on occasion. They wear heels are of reasonable height because you KNOW a girl’s gotta commute…
Yeah that sounds like a really fucking terrible show.
(Photo: Pacific Coast News)