I’m still sitting here in disbelief over what I witnessed last night during the season premiere of 19 Kids and Counting. While I know the Duggars don’t value an education in the same way that many mainstream families do, they should probably put a little more time and effort into teaching their kids a little deductive reasoning. Probably also the meaning of deductive. Since the word theme stumped them last night, I think it’s fair to say a few vocabulary lessons are in order.
The episode kicks off with someone pushing Michelle Duggar’s on button and reminding her that she has 19 children to take care of as well as a husband who thinks her body is some kind of magic school bus that travels between heaven and her uterus. She robotically goes through her family’s long and sordid reproductive story and manages to say each child’s name with as much enthusiasm as you would say the names of people you just met once at a networking event that ran out of free apps before the night ended.
As she goes through the episode, she keeps talking about the kids growing up and taking time to cherish each moment. As if she doesn’t have 18 kids still living at home with her, some as young as three-years-old. I know she’s excited to empty nest, but she might want to put the brakes on getting nostalgic about her children growing up until they’re at least all capable of getting dressed by themselves.
Soon after she and Jim Bob Duggar wax poetic about the hardships of letting their adult daughters work, their daughter-in-law Anna calls to invite the entire family over for a surprise theme dinner. Michelle tells the family that they’re going over for a theme dinner at Anna’s where she’s going to make some kind of special announcement.
The kids lose their minds trying to think of what the surprise could possibly be. Is she moving? Is she buying a new denim skirt? Is she going to start using tongue when she kisses her husband? WHAT COULD IT BE?
In a world where a woman’s entire goal in is to get pregnant as often as possible, the Duggars cannot figure out what Anna could possibly be announcing Did she see Jesus in a potato chip perhaps? Does she want perm tips from Michelle? WHAT COULD IT BE?
They arrive to Anna’s theme dinner with no idea of what is going on.
Baby carrots? Baby hamburgers? Baby hot dogs?
None of them can figure out the theme! Is it campfire? Is it things that used to be alive? No I know, it’s things you eat. That must be the theme. Anna and Josh crack themselves up as their family members struggle to guess what’s going on. Finally Anna tells them, she’s eight weeks pregnant! The kids are like “ZOMG! We did not see this coming! A lady Duggar getting pregnant just one year after giving birth? NO!”
Then it gets more inane as each of the kids are given the opportunity to look into the camera and guess the sex of the baby. Despite the fact that she’s only eight weeks along and despite the fact that there are only TWO choices, they spend a long time debating. Even Jim Bob gets in on the fun by saying something along the lines of “they’re due for a boy,” — as if that’s how it works. I don’t know if it’s scarier that he thinks they’re due for a boy after having one girl and one boy or that he has 19 kids and is still confused about the whole process.
The episode ends with Michelle once again talking about how fast kids grow up, possibly in hopes that if she says it enough time, the 18 kids she has living at home will disappear.
(Photo: Hollywood Life)