David Letterman is a braver, more optimistic man than I, because he just announced that he’ll be having Lindsay Lohan on his show on Tuesday, April 9th. Oh man. Even seeing that typed up makes me nervous, because there are so many amazing ways that this could potentially go wrong. First of all, I think it’s really cute that Dave thinks she’ll actually show up. I figure there’s about a 33% chance of her making it through the doors of The Late Show. It’s much more likely that she’ll get distracted by some table in Brazil and have to hide under it for a while. And we already know that Lindsay likes to play a subtle game of cat-and-mouse with airplanes, where she pretends she’s gonna let them get away before lunging and grabbing onto the tail of the plane at the last minute. Except that as she’s gotten older and put more rehab stints and jail sentences behind her, her reflexes have dulled slightly, and the planes she’s chasing usually get away. So now more often than not, she just misses her flights altogether and has to get to the opposite coast in a last minute adventure that keeps people refreshing their TMZ pages until the last finger-biting minute.
But even if she does get there, I think we can agree that this will be a real roller-coaster. I mean it’ll be great for Dave regardless, because everyone and their coke dealer will be watching this interview, but LiLo hasn’t been on live TV since last November. She’s theoretically promoting her guest-stint on Anger Management, but let’s all be honest with ourselves and accept that she’s promoting her new fragrance line ‘Hot Mess Lindsay’. It smells like burned hair and caffeine pills and just the teeeeensiest bit of vomit. You’re gonna love it. So I have no idea how she’ll act on TV, but I’m kind of holding out that Dave will come through the way he did when he interviewed Paris Hilton, back in 2007.
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