• Fri, Mar 29 2013

Elle Fanning Proves She’s Not Fourteen By Expressing Interest In College

Elle Fanning at Critics Choice Awards January 2013If you’re like me, you’ve had a sneaking suspicion for some time now that Elle Fanning is not whom she claims to be. She says she’s fourteen years old, but I’m not 100% convinced she isn’t a British 26-year old, mostly because there’s absolutely no way in a fair world that some girl in her early-middle teens should have it more together than I do in my middle-middle twenties. First of all, she started acting at age two, which is only a little younger than the age I was when I realized I was in control of my own pooping. So, pretty much the same page. But just to prove that this freak of mature human nature is some wise woman posing as a fourteen year old, now I get word on the old tin can phone that Elle is interested in going to college. Yeah, even though she’s already rich and famous at age fourteen, she wants to pursue a higher education and come out of this whole thing with a degree.

My sister has inspired me to go to college. I don’t know where I want to go, but now that I’m a high-school freshman you hear about the juniors and seniors talking about where they’ve gotten in and wearing their school sweatshirts. I want to have a school sweatshirt that I wear!”

I AM DISGUSTED…by my own maturity in comparison with hers. Like…yeah, I went to college, but I’m not famous. I feel like if I’d been famous starting at age two, I would’ve been in a rehab facility by age five. That’s how little self-control and maturity I’ve developed in this cruel world. And I certainly wouldn’t be down-to-earth at all. I’d either be a super diva who insisted on being carried everywhere or a complete hermit who never came out of my home. Yet another problem that Elle doesn’t have:

“I think everyone has a bit of a rebel in them. For me, I’ve always been very carefree. I’ll just run down the aisles and do whatever. I don’t look at what people think and that doesn’t matter to me as much, so I just do what I want to do.”

But…how do you not care what people think? I can’t turn my brain off like that! Sometimes I get so flustered when people bump into me that I apologize to them for getting in their way. I’m still working on a comeback to something someone said to me in eleventh grade. How is this girl so far ahead of me? It’s not fair! I want my money back, childhood!

(Image: Brian To / WENN.com)

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