Just when NBC executives thought it was safe to go back to watching Jay Leno again on The Tonight Show, Jay has gone and started bashing them again. He’d been taking a break from slamming the network for a hot minute, and I think we all believed that maybe he’d put his pettier ways behind him, or at least in storage with all his cars somewhere, and we all got lulled into submission. He was back to doing his shows like a perfect, pointy-chinned gentleman, even as the rumors swirled (and congealed, and became much more substantiated rumors) that Jimmy Fallon would be moving up from The Late Show to take Jay’s place. The timeline is late fall 2014 at the latest, but it could be even earlier than then if NBC chooses to cancel his contract. Jay had been respectfully silent on the topic of Jimmy himself, choosing to focus his ire on the network, instead, from calling executives ‘snakes’ in a St. Patrick’s Day joke to saying the network should find hope in scientists’ emerging potential to clone extinct species. (Get it? Because NBC is going extinct?)
But Jay must’ve gotten a talking to or something, because he had a whole string of days right in a row where he stuck to his normal unfunny material instead of trying to link NBC into any thematic unfunny material anywhere. But those blessed days of believing Jay to be more mature than he really is are over, as he did the following bits in his monologue last night:
“Folks, listen to this. Monday night the primetime shows The Voice and Revolution moved NBC in the number two position. You know what that means? Between Easter and Passover, this is truly the season of miracles. We’re number two! I’ve been saying for the last week that NBC is a big number two.”
Gooood, Jay. Sanitized potty humor. Number two? I haven’t laughed so hard at that phrase since the last time it wasn’t funny, back in second grade. Got anything else for me? Maybe a joke about NBC having cooties or something? Such a classic.
“T-Mobile announced yesterday they are doing away with contracts. Apparently they got the idea from NBC.”
Okay but…wait. You used to love that about NBC, when it was to your benefit. You loved that even though they had both you and Conan O’Brien sign contracts, they were perfectly willing to go back on those contracts when you started throwing your weight around. You got to retire from a show and come right back to it, significantly effing up your peer’s life and career in the process…so I don’t want to hear any complaining about NBC and their contracts. Or if I do, I want it to be from Jimmy Fallon. That way, I know it’ll actually be funny.