You might have heard of a certain shirt-intolerant pop star by the name of Justin Bieber. You also might have heard of his mother Pattie Mallette, although you might be unsure about exactly how many Ts and Ls are in her name. But I’m not entirely convinced that Pattie herself has heard of Justin Bieber. Maybe we need to set up a meeting.
Justin has been having the kind of month that gives new meaning to the phrase “March Madness.” Justin’s March has involved gas masks, shirtlessness, concert tardiness, shirtlessness, hospital visits, shirtlessness, assault accusations, and shirtlessness. A lot of people who have witnessed Justin’s behavior have asked, “Where is his mother?”
Like a particularly challenging Where’s Waldo? picture, we’ve finally learned the answer and we don’t know how we missed it before. She’s giving comments to Access Hollywood, of course! Her quotes reveal a few things about her approach to parenting a 19-year-old topless pop sensation. Namely, that she doesn’t. Parent, that is. As in the verb. As in what parents do.
When asked about Justin’s recent assault accusations, Pattie says:
“You know, it’s crazy, sometimes I learn things on the Internet just the same as everybody else. And that was the story, yeah.”
So basically at any given moment we could know more about her son than she does. It’s just crazy, isn’t it? Pattie says she was just “on tour with him,” and Justin was only back for 24 hours before going back on tour. So is Justin like that cartoon top-hat-wearing frog and only does ridiculous things when we’re looking but acts totally boring when Pattie looks?
Then Pattie talks about her approach to dealing with Justin growing up in the spotlight:
“I think him being 19, you know, I just gotta let go a little and let him make some of his own decisions. I’m sure you can appreciate as a mom how I feel when I read some of these stories. I come at it from a different angle.”
It’s always smart to just allow your son to make his own decisions when those decisions involve threatening paparazzi and parading around topless. Yeah, I’m sure his behavior couldn’t possibly escalate into anything worse if you just let him do whatever he wants. It’s certain to only get more normal. That’s why every child star ever has turned out to be such a stable and successful adult.
Pattie adds: “I want to be able to take away free will sometimes and be able to do everything for him, but …” But… I think it would just work better if the world dealt with it. I give up. Because that’s where that sentence was going, right?
The only thing that’s weirder than Pattie passing on the responsibility of disciplining her son to to world in general is her passing it on to Will Smith, which is the latest report from the always-reliable National Enquirer. According to them, Will is taking Justin under his wing and controlling how much computer and TV time he gets. Considering how few rules Will gives his own kids, he wouldn’t exactly be at the top of my list of babysitters.