In case you thought Ryan Lochte had put on his best travel grill and swum out of our lives forever, he’s back to remind you that you’re very, very wrong. An extended trailer is out for his new E! series What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, and apparently the answer to the title’s question is “A reality show.” I suggest you watch the trailer to properly come to terms with the fact that yes, this is a show, and jeah, it is happening.
Even though Ryan Lochte takes dumb and douchey to a whole new level, I can’t help but be fascinated by him. I’m mostly fascinated by the fact that during last year’s London Olympics every girl started out the games swooning over every appearance his abs made, and then we witnessed the slow simultaneous realization wash over all those girls’ faces when they heard Ryan speak for more than 30 seconds. It’s like when you walk up to a doughnut shop late at night and the open sign is on and then you try to open the door and they’ve just closed. That face. Everyone had it when Lochte-mania happened. And from the looks of this trailer, girls still are still sporting that face today.
In the video, Ryan attempts to woo two separate women at a bar. This is after he brags that women are just drawn to him without him having to try. The two women he flirts with (if you can call it that) cringe so much I’m shocked they didn’t pull something.
There’s also the moment where Ryan can’t remember which medals he won during the Olympics. Or when he brags about the “Lochte edge” and then can’t explain what that is. Or when he is unable to hit a golf ball. Or when he blows on his mother’s hair for no reason whatsoever. And then of course there’s the mumbling. So much mumbling.
As much as I hate to admit it, I know I’m going to watch this show. I’m the kind of person who rolls my eyes at Keeping Up With the Kardashians promos and then watches them twelve times in one week during reruns. E! has the power to perform some kind of Jedi mind trick on me to force me to watch people I shouldn’t want to watch. There should be a 20/20 episode about it.
Ryan Lochte’s show premieres on E! April 21 at 10 PM ET, if you are also a reality TV masochist like myself.