• Tue, Mar 26 2013

On Teen Mom 2 Kailyn Lowry Needs A Punching Bag Who Isn’t Javi

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For the first time in awhile on Teen Mom 2, Jenelle Evans isn’t front and center in a jaw-dropping episode (though, hold your horses, cause she’s certainly a close second). This week, Kailyn Lowry and her uncontrollable anger makes us cringe as she finally loses it completely and takes it out on Javi Marroquin (and gives Jo Rivera a break, for once). It looks like the “let’s live together” honeymoon phase is over. It’s hard to tell how much MTV world vs. real world (no pun intended) time has elapsed, but I’m guessing it’s not very long before Kailyn blows up at Javi over not letting the dogs out. Resisting every urge to make a “who let the dogs out” joke, I’ll continue. No doubt, this is all pent up anger from several days of perceived bliss turned how come I’m always doing the dishes and taking the trash out. Take it from me, girlfriend…a little woosah goes a long way. Though my preferred method of dealing with delinquent housework is the silent treatment, everyone should have their own living-with-another-human-being coping mechanism. Domestic violence is uh uh. No bueno. Kailyn is barking up the one too many “I put my hands on him” incidences and we’re not sure how Javi vs. Jo will react. Let’s find out.

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Kailyn’s segment begins with a frustrated Kailyn dealing with a zoo of animals, a boyfriend and one toddler all under one roof, since Javi moved in.  Whe Kailyn demands that Javi put the dogs outside cause her gal pals are coming over with more toddlers, Javi explains shouts that the fence is broken and the dogs can’t be put outside. An unacceptable answer, Kailyn yells back that they need to go outside. Hmmm, good problem-solving work there, everybody. But, no one said this wasn’t going to happen. Kailyn and Javi admitted PRE-move in that they would be fighting…this just happens to be the one that MTV catches on camera.

After her guests arrive and Javi’s dog lick-attacks one of her friends’ crotch fruit (child), Kailyn storms upstairs, determined to punch Javi in the face. Nope, we don’t need to wait in suspense for very long…she actually storms upstairs and sorta punches Javi in the face. Clearly not standing for those shenanigans, Javi leaves and Kailyn goes back downstairs to an awkward reunion with her friends - who are still on her couch. After some short-term crying and soul-searching, Kailyn realizes that she needs to apologize profusely, take anger management classes and hope that Javi will forgive her . Lucky for her, he does, and only mere hours later. Wow. That’s a good turnaround time. The next day, post-swimming with the sharks with Javi, Kailyn laughs off the argument and will undoubtedly put off anger management classes (as she’s already done) for some more time. Alright, brah. Not my girlfriend, not my problem…that’s what I always say. We’ll just have to see if Kailyn can keep it together until next week’s crisis.

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Leah Messer is moving forward with her wedding planning and finding a legit house to move into with Jeremy Calvert and the twins (her children, not Jenelle Evan‘s new boobs). Before they get hitched in Myrtle Beach, they want to buy a house together. Finally, some good use for the Teen Mom 2 and pipe-laying money. After the usual rigmarole of buying a house is done, the happy couple realizes that they could qualify for a bigger and better loan if they were…wait for it…waaaait for it…married already. Aaaand boom goes the shotgun courthouse wedding. Because, really, what would a redneck West Virginia fairy tale wedding be without camouflage-themed nuptials or a courthouse civil ceremony??

But don’t worry…they’re still coordinating with their all-inclusive packaged wedding planner in Myrtle Beach who is gonna hook them up with a sweet pond-side gazebo in which to exchange her already-written (you can tweak them to personalize them yourself) vows. Yes, that really happened. But, I have no room to judge. I’ve not had a wedding for other women to judge and say spiteful things about, so really I’m just projecting sour grapes onto Leah and Jeremy’s happily ever after. But being current in the Teen Mom 2 news arena, I think it’ll aaaall work out. Side note: Leah’s twins are terrors but Ali is improving in her physical therapy and development. And Corey Simms still doesn’t have time to go to all the therapy appointments because he’s a working man who provides child support for twins. Boring, but worth noting, for episode recap purposes.

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Chelsea Houska is still moving house. Rejecting the apartment, accepting the duplex and that she’ll be residing in Sioux Falls until she finishes school. Our favorite chicken-wing-eating Adam Lind is still a no-show parent (shocking), but Chelsea is succeeding in school and even mastering her very own first client updo challenge. She recruits probably the best friends on earth for moving again and is settling into her new house, getting to work on decorating her house with many leopard print and pink decor. But wait, what’s this? Channeling Brett Michaels, Adam shows up on his motorcycle, drops a letter in Chelsea’s mailbox (no, that’s not a euphemism for sex), speeds off, and waits for the big reveal.

I’m as confused as Chelsea is when she opens the letter. A sorta legal letter? An affirmation that they are both living in the same South Dakota county? I’m confused. We’d better call in the resident Teen Mom 2 legal experts…Kailyn Lowry and her lawyer. If anyone would know obscure domestic and custody battle letters, it’s them. But anyway, Chels calls Dad, as we knew she would, and they are gonna get to the bottom of this supposed “I’m taking you to court” letter. After laughing about how Adam didn’t type it himself cause he’s dumb as rocks…wihch is probably true…we’ll just be on standby until next week when they figure out what to do with this letter. I would love to see the comparison of better parenting…Chelsea vs. Double DUI Adam. PS – Megan (‘member her? Chelsea’s friend who used to live with her and Adam and also got knocked up but not a recurring role on Teen Mom 2?) reveals that Adam gots a new girlfraaaaand. Please, MTV reality TV gods, let that be part of next week’s episode.

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Yup, it’s the moment you’ve been waiting for…and yah, I purposely waited until the end so that you would read the rest of the recap. Psychological warfare aside, let’s see what our favorite Teen Mommer is up to this week! Jenelle Evans…well, it’s an even week, so she’s back to trying to be a good Mom and take care of Jace more often. The wall of approval that is Babs is giving her yet another chance to prove that Jenelle can be competent for 2 hours to watch her own child. This is called babysitting, in case you didn’t know. But in reality, it’s called a whole lotta f’d up, since she’s technically babysitting her own child. But, I digress. Jenelle and her new C cups are spending a lot more time with Gary Head, since Kieffer Delp is sorta kinda definitely out of the picture and back in Jersey, now. But Jenelle is still able to stir the Kieffer pot by mentioning to Gary that he’s texting her that he’s gonna come down to visit. Gary plays macho for a minute but then drops it cause obviously Kieffer will never be worth time in the brig. Gary is putting in time in this episode. Under the rouse that Jenelle is trying to spend more time acting like a responsible parent, Gary invites Babs & Co to dinner (mmm is that Kraft macaroni and cheese??), genuinely gets along with everyone including Jace, and taps around an awkward situation when Barbraaaah brings up Jenelle’s boobs at dinner. How does Gary like Jenelle’s new fun bags? Uhhhh…

In an effort to prove that she wants to take care of her own kid, Babs lets Jenelle come over to take care of Jace for a couple of hours while she’s at work. Literally there for 5 minutes and the ridiculous fight begins. All Barbara wants in life is for Jenelle to act like a quasi-adult who had a child for like 2 hours. But Jenelle fails on every task…helping to find a bottle, giving the kid a bath, staying off her phone. The stress of it ALL has Jenelle wanting to leave already. But only for 30 minutes, goooooooooosh Mom can’t you let me do anything???

Clearly, she wants to go smoke pot and Babs is no dummy. Yet again, we’re left with the sad sight of Jenelle heading out the door after promising to take care of her kid, Babs left with no choice but to raise Jenelle’s son and a whole lotta immature blame game from Jenelle. Usually I can sit back and watch with mild wtf antennas up but this was mind-blowing. Is this what raising a crazy teenager is like? If so, I’m getting my tubes tied immediately. I have no idea how Barbara continues to deal with Jenelle and raise Jace. With all other options exhausted, Babs is forced to call the only other responsible person in Jenelle’s life to watch Jace while she’s at work. Gary picks up Jace and brings him to Jenelle’s house, where she’s moping around in bed. After Gary teaches Jace how to ride a bike (so cute) I wonder what happens later where Jenelle ruins her relationship with Gary. Jenelle is forced to face her Mom, who once again yells and yells but with no positive outcome. Siiiiigh, it’s exhausting to watch all this turmoil….and addicting. Stay tuned for next week.

 

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