You’re right, Beliebers, I’m sorry — Justin Bieber is totally fine. I was really off base when I said he was beginning a downward spiral, and I should be ashamed of myself for taking journalistic liberties with the blatant truth I see in front of my eyeballs. But now I’m getting my comeuppance, because Justin did something totally normal — something that could never be interpreted as anything but rational, responsible, intelligent adult behavior: he stripped down at the airport. Yeah! I know! What a perfectly normal place to strip! You have to go through that machine that tells the nice people if you have any metal on your body, and in order for it to do its job properly, you have to take off your shirt and significantly loosen your pants. Yeah c’mon guys, I know that’s what’s supposed to happen. Otherwise the x-rays can’t slide all over your slippery skin…they get snagged in your clothes and then you have to do a pat-down. I KNOW HOW THIS WORKS.
And before you try it, I won’t be distracted by you guys trying to convince me that this wasn’t a normal thing that happened. Even you, spokesperson for the Polish airport — even YOU cannot fool me by saying it’s weird that he walked through 14F temperatures pretty much undressed:
“He wasn’t told to take off his clothes. He had no metal objects on him. He’s quite skinny so I assume he was probably freezing.”
(Image: Palace Lee / Pacific Coast News)