There’s something about the Duggars that drives me crazy. And that something is everything they say and everything they do. Because if they’re not just outright saying something offensive, they’re using their reality show to spread their Pleasantville propaganda under the guise of “showing the world what it’s like to live in a big family.”
Ever since the very first TV special they did back in 2004, they’ve claimed to have no ulterior motives for being on TV. It’s just about showing the world what it’s like to be a Duggar. And when you watch the first time, it looks pretty good to be a Duggar. Everyone’s nice and everyone’s sweet and everyone’s just excited to be doing their chores. But watch for more than a few minutes and you’ll start to realize that something’s a little bit off with the family. Or maybe it’s that something’s a little bit too on. I don’t know, they just give me the creeps, in the same way that a cult would. There’s wrong with having as many children as you want — as long as they’re not being raised to believe that we’re living in a 1950s sitcom where men are always right, science is always wrong and education is always overrated. Which we sadly know isn’t the case at the Duggar household.
Newsflash to all the people who defend them: girls aren’t naturally drawn to wearing long skirts every single day of their life. That’s just a fact — backed up by the fact that several companies sell pants for ladies.
Tonight concludes their three-part “Duggars Go to Asia and Say Mildly Offensive Things” TV special — and in honor of that ending, I thought we could just take a quick trip down memory lane and reminisce about all the times they’ve offended us in the past. You know, offended use to the point that we’ve wanted to reach through the TV, grab them out of it and make Jim Bob Duggar birth a few babies himself before continuing to babble on about the miracle of childbirth.
Michelle Duggar’s reveals her “Tips for a Happy Marriage” revolve around always putting your husband first
Last year Michelle Duggar shared that the secret to her happy and healthy marriage was to always remember the 7 Basic Needs of a Husband. Unless you’re into uncontrollable fits of rage, I recommend you avoid clicking on that link. Just know that it includes always putting your husband’s needs first. No matter what. Oh and remembering that women are less than, in general.
In an inane interview aired on the Christian Broadcasting Network last year, Michelle Duggar claimed that overpopulation is a myth and there can never be too many children in the world. Because as she puts it, “the idea of overpopulation is not accurate because really the entire population of the world, if they were stretched shoulder to shoulder, could fit within the city limits of Jacksonville.” Which is only true, if Jacksonville’s a euphenism for several countries.
The Duggars claim evolution’s a fallacy
Nothing like a little trip to the Creationist museum to remind kids that evolution’s just a liberal conspiracy designed to distract them while Satan starts collecting souls.
Everyone knows that the Duggars are an intensely religious and conservative family that’s not at all shy about sharing their beliefs. Yet when they campaigned for Rick Santorum early last year, they didn’t take a serious stand. Instead they used their kids as adorable little props to spread their propaganda. Serious political statements sound so much charming coming out of the mouths of toddlers! Unless we’re supposed to believe that five-year-olds really are concerned about the direction of the country.
Or I should say they have no problem comparing the two in an attempt to rile people up and get them on to the anti-choice side of the battle. Jim Bob actually had the audacity to say that touring the Holocaust museum reminded him of all the babies being aborted every single year — opposed to reminding him of the time that millions of innocent people (capable of living outside of a womb) got imprisoned and murdered. To each his own reminders when touring the Holocaust museum.
The Duggars proudly talk about teaching their babies self control
Because, you know, it’s never too young to start teaching children to stop exploring their surroundings. After all curious children might do something crazy, like develop their own thoughts and opinions and ideas. And we wouldn’t want that now would we?