There are a lot of things I’m thankful for in life and somewhere on that list, below comfy socks but above 7-11 Free Slurpee Day, is the fact that last night’s Kourtney and Kim Take Miami was no where near as disgusting as it was last week. Or the week before. Or the week before that. We’ve dealt with a lot of nasty this season with Kourtney Kardashian and Kim Kardashian from kitten dingleberries to breast milk psoriasis treatments to last week’s vagina smell-off which made me want to vom everywhere and throw my TV out the window. But last night, we got a welcome change: an episode about fashion and alligators!
In last night’s episode, Kim sees an article online titled, “Kim Kardashian Fashion Fail: Is Kanye to Blame?” Kim freaks out that she’s ruining Kanye’s “fashion reputation” because he’s thought of as her stylist. Kim thinks this is ridiculous because Kanye doesn’t pick out her outfits everyday, which, okay maybe he doesn’t put every outfit together but he chose all of the separate items. There was an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians where Kanye cleaned out her entire wardrobe and replaced it with clothing he picked out. So, if people are assuming Kanye makes all her fashion decisions, they aren’t really assuming as much as believing what they saw.
Anyway, Kim says, “It is never fun to be on a worst dressed list so I have to go on a major shopping spree.” What is this setting up? I don’t care! It means shopping montage! Kim tries on lots of crazy lace-up boots and then goes home and declares online shopping the best invention ever. Kourtney gives her crap about buying too much stuff and Kim says “She doesn’t understand that part of my job is to look chic at all times.” I get it, Kim. Some people just don’t understand. I always write my Kardashians recaps in head-to-toe Tom Ford runway looks.
This whole time Scott Disick has been in rural Florida with two of his friends and the family of a girl, Vienna, that he met at a club. Vienna is someone that was previously on The Bachelor which explains why she has no problem with a film crew coming to her family’s alligator farm. The whole thing is very Simple Life. Scott and his friends get dressed up in camo gear and go out on an alligator hunt. Scott shoots an alligator and then everyone goes back to the… place where you skin alligators? Unfortunately we weren’t completely gross-free this episode, but I will take alligator skinning over vagina smelling any day. Oh, the things these recaps make me write!
The whole alligator thing combined with the Kim shopping story line made me really wish this episode was going to make a Seinfeld-esque circle where Kim ended up buying something made of alligator while Scott was gone.
Because there has never been an episode of this show where someone did anything without repercussions or feeling regret or needing to apologize, the episode ended with Kim needing to stop shopping so much after her financial advisor said she was over-spending. Scott, on the other hand, started feeling guilty about killing the alligator when he began having weird animal-related dreams. He also visited the Everglades with his family and when Mason was looking at baby alligators he said, “Where’s the daddy?” Cue the dramatic music ’cause shit just got real for Scott. When your son asks you where a baby animal’s dad is, you no longer kill adult versions of that animal. That is just a fact of life. And with our lessons about buying $3,000 dresses online and alligator hunting learned, so ends another episode of Kourtney and Kim Take Miami.