Okay internet world, suspend your disbelief for a second, because here come something illogical: according to BlindGossip.com, there is allegedly a Joe Jonas sex tape being shopped around. And who is doing this supposed shopping? Why, it’s Joe’s very own girlfriend Blanda Eggenschwiler, of course! A brief moment of silence for that incredibly absurd but very real name…annnnd we’re back to reality. If you believe the rumors, said tape will be released on April 3rd, 2013, and shows the couple drinking, smoking pot, and getting all kinds of kinky with BDSM toys like ‘a large dildo, a gag ball, and a slapper paddle’. Mmmkay, but even though he’s the worst of the Jonas Brothers, why would Joe let himself be filmed in that kind of a position? Especially because the report says that he and Blanda both start out sober at the beginning of the tape and only become inebriated by the end. He’s famous enough to know better than to do something like this, right?
What makes me even more skeptical is the fact that they supposedly used a real live person to record the alleged sex tape, who gets different angles, zooms in on sexy bits, and even re-shoots different versions of various scenes. If you were reeeeeally insistent on making a sex tape, even as a famous person, wouldn’t you just set the camera up in the room and go to town? This sounds more like a porn than a sex tape, and that just makes no sense at all. I guess BlindGossip must be pretty positive about their sources to print a story like this, but I won’t be convinced until I see it, when and if it’s released. I just really can’t see the Jonas family allowing this to get out, even if it somehow does exist, because it would destroy this whole squeaky clean purity ring thing they’ve got going.
UPDATE. As you might expect, Joe’s team is denying that any such tape exists. Jenny Tversky from Derris & Company, who represent Joe, contacted us with the following statement: “There is no truth or validity to this story. It is completely false.”
Well they sure don’t waste any time. I’m excited to see how this pans out.
(Image: Owen Beiny / WENN.com)