Katy Perry And John Mayer Break Up, Unclear Who Will Get Custody Of Allison Williams

Katy Perry John Mayer Valentine's Day 2013

In news that we all saw coming from approximately fourteen billion miles away, Katy Perry and John Mayer broke up. Again. And unfortunately we used all the good jokes last time. So now we’re just stuck with the official report from Us Weekly. It cites all the usual PR mumboujumbolaya that we’re familiar with from every other amicable break-up report we’ve ever read. We have lots of work issues, tons of scheduling problems, a dash of hope that it’s just a break and one forlorn pal who’s on the verge of losing it. Just losing it all.

“It’s sad,” one pal tells Us, but cautions that it might not be a permanent break. “It’s not over until it’s over. You have to see how things play out.” Adds another source: “She’s leaving the window open. They have both been so focused on work.”

While I’m slightly  concerned that Katy Perry’s leaving a window open for John Mayer to crawl through Clarissa-Explains-it-All-Style, I’m otherwise not bothered by this news at all. It’s John Mayer. What do we expect will happen? That he’ll marry someone and go through the whole commitment charade? Yeah right. The last thing we need is for him to go through with a marriage. Because you know how it will end? With a tearful confession to Katie Couric on how he didn’t know that it was considered cheating she lived across state lines.

John Mayer Allison Williams Grammys 2013

The only thing that has me worried a little is Allison Williams. John Mayer and Katy Perry recently adopted her at a Hollywood benefit for pretty girls who need an angle to get more press. While Perry’s served as her primary caretaker over the last few weeks, John Mayer apparently enjoyed getting to know the kid. Sources tell us that he’s going to seek weekend visitation rights as well as alternating holidays.  But we’ll have to wait to see how that all unfolds in the courts.

In the meantime, we’ll always have our memories of Katy and John together. For longer than any of us imagined possible.

(Photo: David Tonnessen, PacificCoastNews.com)

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    • Alexis Rhiannon

      If they just leave her at a trendy dumpling bar somewhere, Lena Dunham will find her in no time.

      • Jenni

        But do trendy dumpling bars let people without pants in?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        As long as you ride the subway with no shirt.

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    • mike hamilton

      WOAOOW…!! You guys are assholes!! Like REAL ASSHOLES/JERKS/FUCKTARDS/EVIL/CRAST…..can believe you guys make a living on writing this garbage. You guys are the problem, not the artists or celebrities! * double middle finger salute

      • Jenni

        Mike? Mike Hamilton? From high school? We had that class together freshman year, right? Oh Mike, Mike, Mike, so good to hear from you!