When we last left The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, all was right in the Hollywood Hills. I could sleep soundly. Dana Wilkey came back into our lives for a blissful but brief moment. Alas, this was all tarnished when she was never seen again, and I was stuck watching the rest of these crazy women live their annoying lives. Kim Richards was trying to cover up the fact that she probably relapsed. Kyle Richards was choosing to believe it. The rest of the women were pretty absent, but that all changed tonight because there’s another reason to party, another reason for all these women who would never hang out together in real life to actually get together, and of course, another reason to brawl—Beverly Hills style.
Adrienne Maloof is throwing a big party for some new vodka she’s been working on–a big party that Brandi Glanville and Lisa Vanderpump decided not to go to. They opted for massages instead. Let’s be real. Who the hell would choose a Maloof product-pushing party over a nice massage and chat with a Vanderpump? The two gossip about the deal with Adrienne and Paul’s marriage. Brandi calls it “more of a business arrangement ” Uh-oh, the tension is a-brewin’ already, and things are just going to get more interesting. I smell foreshadowing.
At Adrienne’s party, Paul Nassif and Adrienne Maloof are proving Brandi right. They begin arguing about plates and appetizers and the stupidest shit imaginable. While this arguing is half funny, half uncomfortable, it seems that their talking head interviews reveal much more. Adrienne solemnly explains how Paul is no help to her and is basically selfish while Paul complains that all his wife does is insult him. Yikes. Things are not looking good for these two, and as we all know, recently, they split.
At the party, the women talk about marriage tips brought to you by Brandi Glanville. I guess Brandi texted this chick Marissa, who is like a housewife supporting actress kind of. She explains that Brandi joked and sent her a text about how wives should give their husbands a “hallpass.” Basically a “hallpass” means you let your husband cheat one time with a woman of his choice. Um, no thank you, not for me, but whatever, moving on.
The worst part of all this is that the women just keep going and going about Brandi. With The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick leading the pack, the women literally salivate as they talk so much shit about Brandi. It’s seriously sick to watch. They are all just hanging on every word of these rumors about Brandi hooking up with men in bathrooms at parties. Even if this is true…1. Why do you care, Faye?! and 2. She isn’t married. Let the woman live! I just cannot get over how jealous these women are of Brandi, especially Faye. It’s gross.
Yolanda Foster steps in, tries to defend Brandi, and shuts up The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick. I actually really liked Yolanda in that moment. She has been pretty damn dull this season, but I am so happy that she stepped in and was like, “Yo ladies, you’re acting like mean girls in high school. GTFO.” She obviously relays this information back to Brandi who is fired up. She wants to get to the bottom of it, especially the deal with this Marissa chick (who I think is just trying to fit in by having a common enemy), and she is going to get to the bottom of it at the Vanderpumps housewarming party! Woo hoo! Here we go!
Brandi is chugging down some wine, gaining liquid courage, and immediately starts going up to her friend’s husbands and asking them if she has ever flirted with them. She’s obviously trying to prove a point and diminish the rumors that she’s a husband stealer. Before things get out of hand, Yolanda brings Marissa and Brandi together to talk about the gossip that went on at the Maloof’s party. Yolanda is kind of a shit starte but in a very adult way. She is just too real, and I love that she calls people out on their shit.
During the tiff among the women, The Morally Corrupt Faye Resnick comes into the group even though no one asked for her to be part of it. Why, Faye? What are you doing? Do you just want camera time? You are so irritating. I hate you. Brandi looks at Faye and scoffs, “You’re not a part of this. You can leave,” to which Faye replies, “I’m a part of everything.”
No, you’re not, Faye. GO AWAY. WE HATE YOU.
Faye accuses Brandi of not “being a lady,” although nothing Brandi has said or done would claim otherwise. Brandi then says that if Faye was actually a lady, she would leave the conversation that she butted into in the first place, and get the fuck out. This is the part where Faye says something that doesn’t even make sense, but the Bravo music and the camera angles make it seem like she said something super dramatic and mean-spirited:
“No matter how many Chanels you borrow, you will never, ever be a lady.”
What? Okay, Faye. That makes zero sense, but alright. Can you guys sense who I side with on this whole issue?
She then asks Brandi if she feels good about breaking up a family. Obviously referring to the Maloofs. It seems that the news of the Maloof split has just gone public, and the idea that the stress from the lawsuit with Brandi was the catalyst for this marriage’s demise becomes quite popular.
Wait, what? The Maloof divorce is getting blamed on Brandi?! WTF?!
Seriously, Faye Resnick is the worst of the worst. Brandi Glanville is the best, and I’ve had enough of all these little minions (besides Yolanda and Lisa) just going about and being flip-floppers. I also hate that I am so emotionally invested in this show. Until next time!
(Photo: Bravo TV)