• Tue, Mar 19 2013

Jenelle Evans Got New Boobs On Teen Mom 2, So That Means No More Crazy, Right?

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Things you probably didn’t guess were going to happen on this week’s Teen Mom 2 episode: Jenelle Evans gets new cha chas. Jenelle Evans get into a fight with someone. Jenelle Evans kicks Kieffer Delp out (sorry, did I ruin the ending?) Chelsea Houska throws a temper tantrum. Leah Messer talks about the Corey Simms and Jeremy Calvert fiasco more than anyone talks about anything else, ever. And Kailyn Lowry tries to stick it to Jo Rivera…I meaaaan…moves Javi Marroquin in, to play house. Shocked??? I didn’t think so. Did you still watch, last night, like I did? Of course you did. Because Teen Mom 2 has Jenelle Evans on it. Enough said.

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As always, we begin with Jenelle’s voice-over narration of how she “hasn’t seen Jace much because fill-in-the-blank.” This week, it’s cause she’s getting brand new knockers, and plastic surgery day has arrived. Instead of calling Babs pre-please clean up my mess, Ma – Jenelle decides to bring trusty ol’ Kieffer Delp and random girl friend number 87. When she comes back and is all laid up and hurtin, I think everyone would agree that the best use of downtime is to hide your painkillers and muscle relaxers from your shady ass temporary boyfriend…and to text Gary Head! Jenelle is all about having her Kieffer cake and eating it,too. And let’s be honest…Jenelle isn’t one to back down from conflict or even back down from creating it out of nothing. So, texting your ex-boyfriend while your current(?) boyfriend thing is chillin in your house, 5 feet away from you, is probably totally cool in Jenelle Evans’ mind. Hehehe. Oh what’s that at the door? Roses from Gary Head, complete with a sweet note, in the face of Kieffer being the worst caretaker post-boobie surgery person ever?

Well, I see nothing accumulating from this. I don’t see Kieffer figuring it out (even though he’s dumb as rocks and Jenelle probably didn’t even try to hide it well), I don’t see Jenelle and Kiefs fighting, I don’t see Jenelle kicking Kieffer out, and I definitely don’t see Barbs letting Jenelle come back home so that she can take care of Jenelle/Jenelle can fill her “pretend to care about Jace for a day” quota. Oh snap, all that happened? Huh. Well…I don’t know what to say. So I guess, what’s the best way to get over a two-week reunion with poor poor rebound Kieffer (who came aaaaaaall they way down from NJ and put his heart on the line for Jenelley). It’s obvious that the answer is to call Gary Head and let him come over and also get back together. Duh. I haven’t been this excited to see what happens since Kailyn Lowry last figured out her plan to spend more time with Isaac.

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And this week, it’s Kailyn’s desire to move her relationship (and financial status) forward with Javi Marroquin. She wants Javi to move in cause “he’s here every day/night, he practically lives here already”. Oh no. No no no no no. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard this, I could get boob implants. But, I encourage Kailyn to try it cause if anyone can hold a double standard make it work, it’s Kails. Although they all look super cute familyish together, when the subject of how Kailyn is going to tell Jo Rivera is brought up, Kailyn says….she’s not. That’s in, she’s not telling him at all. Whaaaa?? Seriously, though? And then Kailyn brings up that one time Jo brought Isaac to Jersey, to his family’s house, without telling Kailyn. For like a day. Sheesh. For someone who’s trying to “make it work” (spoken in Tim Gunn voice), she’s certainly sabotaging her chances all the time. I’m sure we’ll see what Jo has to say about it, next week. I can’t wait. And even though Kailyn knows they are going to be constantly fighting about something, they go ahead and move Javi in and set down the financial ground rules. They’ll split the bills and chores. Uh huh. But hey, Kailyn isn’t getting younger (according to her). She’s 20-years-old already for crissake. She’s practically an old maid. So she might as well start bringing up marriage next. In Teen Mom 2, first comes one night stand (or horrible high school relationship), then comes baby, then comes court-ordered appearances and paternity tests. Fairy tales can come true.

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Speaking of sperm donors, Chelsea Houska hasn’t talked to her boo Adam Lind in weeks. WEEKS! That’s cool though because she’s got enough going on in her stressful life. She’s gotta move house, continue to go to hair school, take tests. I mean, all this and financial security from her parents? Life is hard. We watch Chelsea ace her first haircut test, so we know she’s got mad skills. But now she’s on a kick to get outta dodge. Dodge = South Dakota. South Dakota = where Adam is. Chelsea can’t get over him completely unless she moves out of state. So, really, Adam rules every aspect of Chelsea’s life. Even when he’s not around, he’s all up in her business and she can’t help but see him and hear about him everywhere she goes in South Dakota. So when Chelsea’s family finds this house that I couldn’t afford as a 29 year old, much less a 20 year old with a child, she complains and doesn’t wanna. I’m with Chelsea in the moving part, cause surely the pursestrings will follow her wherever her ltitle heart desires. But finish school, child. Please. But when Chelsea calls her Dad and throws a hiss fit like toddler, we watch as he tries to reason with her. But there is no reasoning with a spoiled child. You’ve created a monster Mr. Houska, and now you have to live with the whining and the complaining of someone whom you’ve given everything. Am I bitter? Nope, alls I’m saying is that I was still eating ramen noodles at 20 years old. Just sayin. We end Chelsea’s segment with the usual pushover Daddy compromise. If she can stay in school for a year and graduate (or finish anything that she’s started), they will look for a house to pay for her, out of South Dakota. Deal or no deal? Begrudgingly, Chelsea accepts, for now. I’m sure she’ll wine her way into getting her way, next episode.

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Let’s check in on Leah Messer and how she’s gonna grovel back to Jeremy Calvert. She does pretty well. She convinces Jeremy that he’s really the wun for her and that she’s gotten closure with the Corey Simms saga. Leah begs for her ring back and Jeremy doesn’t even put up a fight to put it back on her finger. I guess now they can get back to babymaking and wedding planning. Yah, in that order. They briefly discuss their marriage options and Leah is intent on being married at 20. Seriously?? 20 years old. Please refer back to ramen noodles statement. Anyway, to each West Virginian their own. Cut over to subtitle Corey and his Dad having yet another chat about Leah. Corey gave up, that’s for sure. Leah definitely gave him eighty bajillion chances and he still couldn’t commit. So, Papa Simms lets Corey know that everyone is tired of their shenanigans and good riddance. Goooood. When they all meet up to exchange the girls for custody time, there are no fireworks or arguing. Hmmm…so I wonder what MTV will scrounge up to insert drama in the Leah story. Girlfriend has almost run out of shocking surprises.

You can reach this post's author, Carling Uhler, on twitter.
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