Those of you who were hoping for a Bradley Cooper-Jennifer Lawrence romance are about to be disappointed. It’s rumored that Bradley has a new girlfriend, and her name isn’t J.Law. Bradley, who is 38, has already said he wouldn’t date 22-year-old Jennifer, because, as he says, he “could literally be her father.” So it makes total sense that he would now be dating model Suki Waterhouse, who is a mature and age-appropriate 20 years old. Wait… what?!
Apparently Bradley flew Suki out to his film set in Massachusetts. So it looks like this is actually happening, people. Unless he just promised her dad that he would take her on a college tour of Harvard or something, which is possible because she’s, you know, college age.
Let’s work through this news, okey dokey? First of all, what?! Second of all, is this Suki Waterhouse Benjamin Buttoning herself and is actually 60 but looks 20 and is really a cougar and therefore could not be Bradley’s daughter? Third of all, why must she have a name that makes me think of True Blood, a television show I don’t even watch? It is taking every ounce of focus I have to stop myself from typing Sookie Stackhouse. In fact I’ve already typed it a couple of times and backtracked. Are Suki and Joe Jonas’ girlfriend Blanda Eggenschwiler employed by some company that rents girlfriends with bewildering names out to male celebrities who want to prank celebrity bloggers? Is this an early April Fool’s Day joke? You got me, Ashton Kutcher! You can come out now.
Suki recently broke up with her boyfriend Miles Kane of Last Shadow Puppets. Oh, so her ex-boyfriend plays with shadow puppets? How old is he?
Bradley and Suki were spotted together last month at the Elle Style Awards in London. As evidenced by the photo above, Suki had to sit in the back seat. It looks like they misplaced her car seat, but at least she’s safe back there. Don’t sulk, Suki, it’s for your own protection.