I didn’t even realize I was supposed to be on the edge of my seat about the One Direction movie, but now that I do, my cheeks are firmly in position. I somehow missed this incredibly newsworthy event, but the guys have apparently been releasing hints and clues and word puzzles via Twitter over the last couple days to give their fans a chance to guess the title of their 3D movie before they officially revealed it. But the intrigue is over now, because the official title has been released and it is…This Is Us.
The movie will be released on August 30th of this year and will probably be like every other full-length music video ever made in that it follows the boybanders around their daily lives and gives about thirty seconds of backstage footage for every ten hours of screaming fans at concerts. It will be in 3D, of course, because no one could resist the parallels between 1D and 3D, but that’s pretty much all we know.
To that end, I’m pretty sure it’s okay if I speculate about it, so here goes. I’m thinking that ever since Harry Styles was attacked by that shoe, the guys have retreated from society and all live in the same house somewhere — preferably a tree house, and preferably on a deserted island. Harry is in charge of the hunting and fishing, because he’s the most famous and the beasts of the island are less likely to attack him than they are lesser-knowns like Louis Tomlinson or Liam Payne. Niall Horan is in charge of the cooking and the cleaning, and Zayn Malik is in charge of maintaining his beauty so that he can charm the sailors of passing boats into allowing them to come aboard and do sets. Kind of like a cross between Swiss Family Robinson, Castaway, and hopefully Lord Of The Flies, if things get interesting and one of them has asthma. Oh come on, just admit you’d watch that movie over the one they’re actually making.
(Images: WENN.com / Twitter)