Today is a day when no matter what you do for a living, my job is better than yours, because I just spend the last half hour creating ten new mustache looks for Justin Bieber in Microsoft Paint. (Uh yeah, that’s right — Paint. I’m super tech-savvy. I can teach you how to use it someday if you bring your own floppy disc and time machine back to 1999.) This important journalistic activity was spurred by the fact that Justin posted pictures on Instagram of himself sporting what he seems to believe is a mustache. You should probably grab your extra-large magnifying glass and your middle school optimism, because without those two things, you’ll never be able to spot it. That’s because the supposed ‘stache is actually just a few wispy hairs camped out on his upper lip that he decided to name ‘Rick’, probably in hopes that giving it a name would will it into a full, bushy existence. Alas, no such luck, because the only thing this kid is rocking is a hardcore seventh grade caterpillar lip. ON A GOOD DAY.
I’m feeling pretty sorry for this little manboy, but I’ve been kind of holding out hope that Justin Timberlake would’ve appeared to take over J-Biebs’ tutelage by now and start easing him into adulthood. But since he’s too busy over-saturating the entertainment world with his presence, I guess it’s up to me to step in. To that end, I decided to take matters into my own hands and create some real mustache looks for young Biebs. Everything from the traditional handlebar to the walrus to the fu manchu is represented in this gallery, and I encourage Justin to take his pick of any of the options I’ve presented before showing his wispy upper lip on Instagram ever again. Amen.
(Images: Instagram)
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