After hiding away in Australia for a bit while rumors swirl about his breakup from fiance Miley Cyrus, Liam Hemsworth has washed back up on shore again like a shipwrecked sailor. He’s not dead, but he’s certainly not answering any questions about Miley, either, so don’t even ask, okay? Liam showed up in Manila today to fulfill his duties as the brand ambassador for the Philippines-based clothing line Bench, where all of the questions have been carefully pre-selected and wiped of any and all mentions of statuesque blondes who may or may not be named January Jones and may or may not have had their tongues down his throat. To that end, he’s also canceled an upcoming red carpet appearance for the premiere of his new film Empire State, for fear that he’d get asked something uncomfortable.
Personally, I couldn’t be happier about this turn of events. I don’t necessarily want Miley and Liam to break up, but I certainly don’t want them to be engaged anymore. And not because I’m a terrible, horrible, no-good very bad blogger (although that may be true), but because being Miley’s fiance is effectively capping his famous level.
Let me explain. In almost every family on the face of this planet, Liam would’ve been the hot one. But because he had the unique experience of growing up in a house with Chris Hemsworth, Liam mentally got used to selling himself short, and the rest of us got used to it, too. Before The Hunger Games came out, we here at Crushable had only vaguely heard of him as Miley’s boyfriend — we didn’t see The Last Song, are you kidding? Even we have standards. So when the Hunger Games press junkets started, we were like, “Who who WHO is this hot Australian guy?” But by then it was almost too late — in a few short months he’d be engaged to Miley and her daily haircut dramas, Twitter rants, and dog adoptions would effectively halt his celebrity where it stood.
But now is your chance, Liam! Use your strength as a wizard to break free of the Imperius Curse that Miley and her family have placed on you! Make your own dramas with January and even Emma Watson, if she’ll have you. You’ve got distinguished eyebrows, an Australian accent, and a future of kissing Jennifer Lawrence…you can do literally anything you want.
(Images: Adriana M. Barraza / WENN.com / Instagram via E!)