George Clooney and Stacy Keibler have reportedly broken up, so I can think of no better time to explore this ‘two-year curse’ theory that is apparently a thing that people know. I’ve recently been informed of said theory by my editor and cubicle-mate Jenni who has deigned to speak with me even though our feud over Steve Carell has gotten a little cutthroat. I wasn’t aware of this, but Jenni informs me that George follows a strict timeline in his romantic relationships, and nothing will dissuade him from observing it in his ongoing quest to be Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor. The pattern is this: he carefully hand-selects an unknown model/actress of a steadily diminishing age and elevates them to prime girlfriend status. As of 2008, with Sarah Larson, he brings you to the Oscars with him, and everyone dutifully learns your name and then puts you on the next season of Dancing With The Stars when the two of you inevitably break up. George used to date people for more variable lengths of time like four years, three years, five years on-and-off, and even a marriage to Talia Balsam back in 1989 to 1993, but now he’s got things down to a pretty clear science, with a two year cap on any relationship. No exceptions.
He dated Sarah Larson from June 2007 to May 2008, he dated Elisabetta Canalis from July 2009 to June 2011, and his relationship with Stacy started in July of 2011, so he’s still on schedule. You’ll notice that his relationship with Elisabetta came in really close to the deadline, with only a month to spare, so George was much more careful this time, cutting things off at one year and eight months.According to a source:
“They knew it was never going to end in marriage or babies and Stacy does want kids and a husband in the next few years.”
But whether it’s a self-imposed time limit or an evil curse sent down from Olympus by the scorned Aphrodite, all that George is doing is taunting the ladies of the civilized world. We’re all sitting in our offices or working behind our bars or bringing drinks to our tables, imagining the day that George will sweep in, whisk us off our feet, and take us on our two-year whirlwind tour of a Disney dreamscape. Sigh. I wonder who my partner will be on DWTS.
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