Justin Bieber Says He’s Not Like Lindsay Lohan, Which Is The First Sign Of Being Like Lindsay Lohan

Justin Bieber Concert Lisbon, Portugal March 11th 2013

For a guy who wants the press to stop talking about him, Justin Bieber sure does know how to give the press plenty to talk about. It’s become a beautifully infinite routine of Justin Bieber doing something bizarre, the press discussing it, Justin Bieber complaining on social media about the press discussing it, and the press discussing Justin Bieber’s complaints about the press discussing it. It’s the Circle of Bieber, and it moves us all.

This time Justin decided Twitter was just too limiting, and he couldn’t fit everything he wanted to say on his bare chest, so he posted his thoughts on Instagram over a grainy black and white photo of the back of his head. Ah, art. Isn’t it the artsiest? Check out the prose poem he wrote below. I am particularly moved by his use of anaphora to rub his early-in-life success in everyone’s faces. It’s beautifully lyrical.

Justin Bieber Instagram March 14th 2013What you don’t see in that rant is Justin’s closing remarks about Lindsay Lohan. That’s because he deleted his original post and reposted it with a different ending, because he still hasn’t caught on to the fact that when you delete something embarrassing you posted on the Internet, nobody does that Men in Black mind erase thing to everyone who saw it. Therefore, TMZ caught his diss of Lindsay Lohan, which reads:

“And to those comparing me to Lindsey [sic] Lohan look at her 2012 tax statements”

You’ll notice that Justin continued his penchant for spelling famous people’s names incorrectly (see: The Janis Joplin Misspelling of 2013), and I’m starting to think it’s intentional. I’m not sure what the reason is yet, but it will keep me up nights.

It seems that Justin’s comment about Lindsay Lohan’s tax returns is implying that, while Lindsay is having money troubles, Justin’s still a massive bajillionmillionbillionaire. Because being rich prevents you from a downward spiral and rehab. (FYI, I’m writing this from a remote island that’s currently celebrating its version of Opposite Day.)

Justin should know better than to deny that he’s like Lindsay Lohan. Even Lindsay Lohan denies that she’s like Lindsay Lohan. I’m pretty sure a reporter once yelled to her, “Hey, Lindsay Lohan!” and she adamantly denied being the person of whom he spoke. You see, there’s so much negative press about her that even her reflex is to denying having anything to do with herself.

Justin, put away the gas mask, keep your shirt tucked in so you’re not tempted to rip it off, and take a deep breath. The Lindsay Lohan train hasn’t pulled into the station for you quite yet, but it has departed its initial location and is headed your way. And nobody wants that train to arrive, so you better pull that lever and stop it. Or however trains work. I’m no expert.

(Lead Photo: Rui M Leal / WENN.com)

You can reach this post's author, Jill O’Rourke, on twitter.
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    • jenley2013

      He’s probably misspelling her name so she wouldn’t sue him. He’d be like “no, I said Lindsey Lohan embezzles taxes!”

      • Jill O’Rourke

        Ooh, good theory.

      • Jenni

        When in doubt, always assume he’s doing something on purpose. He’s VERY smart.

    • Alexis Rhiannon

      Referencing Lindsay Lohan when you don’t have to — rookie mistake.

    • Alecia Murphy

      I think his people should tell him to stop talking and tweeting. He doesn’t know how to articulate himself and he surely isn’t convincing anyone he isn’t about to breakdown.

    • Demon Butler

      GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Demon Butler

      Justin held rattttttttt !!!!!

    • Demon Butler

      I don’t like justin but my friend does but,i’m ok with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)