Oh my god. Nobody move or speak or breathe, because Adele is reportedly considering a move to the United States, and I don’t want anyone to eff this up for the rest of us. If this is true, she’s looking at Los Angeles, because of the fact that she had to rent a place there for over a month during awards season. (Fun fact: the house was rented to her by one Sir Paul McCartney. No big deal or anything, just musical heroes of mine just interacting with each other in a mundane way.) But let’s be honest, if anyone needs a homebase that’s close to the awards hub that is LA, it’s Adele Fucking Adkins, am I right?
Apparently she and Simon Konecki are friends with British musician Robbie Williams and his wife Ayda, and they’re hard at work encouraging her to move here as well. Aka doing every single American a solid. According to a source who spoke to The Daily Mirror:
“Adele and her man Simon are looking at a pad in one of the exclusive gated communities of Beverly Hills because Robbie and Ayda have told Adele that she would be able to have enough land not to feel too trapped, and she could have the privacy she so desperately needs to enjoy life.”
Yes. Yes yes yes, Adele, you should absolutely do this. I promise I’ll let you live quietly and only gaze at you from the safety of the internet instead of building a giant biodome around your house and watching you inhabit it like a goldfish from the outside like I’ve imagined in my dreams. But my own creeper status aside, please move here! Little baby Angelo would love it! Babies notoriously love sunlight and palm trees and happiness, and living amongst straight-teethed Americans who are obsessed with their mothers.
Honestly you guys, I just need to take a quick breather, because this news is coming right on the heels of the excellent news that she’s working on an album and potentially starting a Vegas tour. But decide quickly, Adele, because every gay man and recently broken-up-with woman in California is on the edge of their seats, and our chairs just aren’t built to withstand that kind of pressure for long.