Just a couple of days ago I took back my application to be a celebrity when I read reports of a massive celebrity hacking incident that affected a dozen stars. While I’m not ready to resubmit my application, and I don’t condone hacking unless I’m watching WarGames, the information that the latest occurrence reportedly confirms prompts me to heave a heavy sigh of relief. Why? Because it might finally settle the seemingly never-ending mystery of who will play Anastasia Steele in the upcoming 50 Shades of Grey movie.
A collection of online hackers called Anonymous has obtained documents from German studio Constantin Film. One document reveals Emma Watson to be attached to the adaptation of E.L. James’ novel 50 Shades of Grey. It’s been a big rumor for a while now, but the truth had yet to be revealed, and now we’re one step closer to just knowing already.
It’s not that I’m a 50 Shades of Grey fan — haven’t read it — or that I desperately want to see Emma Watson in a raunchy movie role. It’s just that I’m tired of a different actress being attached to the role every week, Mila Kunis flip-flopping about wanting the role more often than she flip-flops between sweatpants and evening gowns, and women sitting around big tables in front of an audience arguing about who’s right for the role. It’s making me 50 Shades of Exhausted. And I just want an answer already so we can shut up about it for two minutes before moving on to casting Christian Grey.
This Emma Watson news could certainly be true if you consider the recent report that she dropped out of playing Cinderella. She’s already been cast in an upcoming Beauty and the Beast adaptation, so maybe she thought starring as two fairy tale princesses at the same time as she’s in a movie all about sex would be inappropriate. Plus it might mess with her method and result in some very strange movie performances. Or, you know, it could just be scheduling conflicts, if you want to be boring.
So can we finally end the rumors? Agh, we’re still gonna hear about it for months anyway, since it won’t be released until 2014!