What goes down in Camp Bieber? Is there any adult supervision over there, or is Justin Bieber just wading through clothing racks of harem pants and onesies, practicing his swear words and spider monkey leaps for the next time a sassy paparazzo crosses his path? No parents, no managers, no publicists — Justin obeys no one’s rules, whether they be about the drinking age in London, smoking doobies, or starting his own concerts on time! And if there’s one thing he definitely doesn’t have time for, it’s hamsters. I know this because Justin used to have a hamster — a little gentleman by the name of PAC — but he had to give him away because he didn’t think he was being a very good rodent father. You know, out of the house all day, never time to tell him stories or take him fishing or teach him how to hit on girls. So J-Biebs did what any father with time constraints would do, and decided to find a new home for his little man.
…by walking outside after his Jingle Ball concert in Atlanta last December and giving PAC to a random screaming fan. Because what better new home for a pet than in the
arms hands of a perfect stranger who enjoys your music? Luckily, he had some words of advice for the girl:
“That’s all you. You gotta take care of PAC.”
Oh my goodness, that’s so beautiful, but I promised myself I wouldn’t cry! I’d better use the corner of this strongly-worded statement from a pro-hamster organization to dry my eyes. But even with a beautiful, heart-warming story like this, the world is still cruel and hearts can still break, because THE HAMSTER IS DEAD.
I don’t…I don’t understand how this could have happened. Do you mean to tell me that when you hand your small, step-on-able rodent to a screaming teenage girl, that it may not live on forever and always? This is a new and strange concept to me, and I need to go into my room and have another serious talk with Judy Blume, or at least our new pope before I can hope to truly grasp it.