Attention, everyone! Rihanna has been struck down! Struck down, I tell you, by the unforgiving supervillain who goes by the name of ‘Laryngitis’. He creeps into your vocal chords while you sleep and rattles around opening windows and beating the chalk dust out of tiny erasers, and all of a sudden you wake up in the morning and you can’t sing or talk! Well that’s what happened to Rihanna, and she got it badly enough that she had to actually cancel a couple of her concerts — one in Boston and one in Baltimore. She’s really upset about it, though. I can tell because this is what she Tweeted about it:
“I hate disappointing people that never ever let me down!! I’m so embarrassed about this! Thank you for your prayers and well wishes.”
Well you’re welcome, Rihanna. For all of them. I saved up prayers and well wishes all weekend and I sent them toward you in a big bundle for safe-keeping. But all those wishes and hopes and dreams aside, I’m pretty sure I know exactly how this happened. I’m no doctor, but I was always told that you got sick when you went outside improperly dressed, which Rihanna mos def did this past weekend. Remember that half-shirt double jeans combo she was rocking? There’s a picture of it above; it was really genius. But unfortunately two pants plus half top don’t equal one full outfit. And so what happened is the germ gremlins got in and planted a whole crop of baby germs in the soil. This may not sound at all scientific to you, but don’t worry, it is. Even though I said I wasn’t a doctor before, I really am one, just a doctor of imagination, which is like a real doctor, but with fewer credentials.
But regardless of what form this laryngitis takes, I anticipate that Rihanna will be back up on her feet and reunited with it in no time, having completely forgiven it for every knocking her out.
(Image: Will Alexander / WENN.com)