Only a week and a half ago, we were all celebrating the casting of our collective British bestie Emma Watson as Cinderella in a new version of the classic fairy tale directed by Kenneth Branagh. We were digging our old blue princess dresses out of storage (You know the ones that inexplicably feature those medallions with pictures of the princess you’re dressing up as, as if Cinderella would ever wear a cartoony picture of herself on her dress) and waltzing around our bedrooms clutching them to our chests. We were watching Disney’s Cinderella with Emma’s face taped on the TV so we could really picture it. Oh, you didn’t do that? Neither did I. I’m not weird.
Now it looks like that star we wished upon wasn’t the type that lasts longer than a week and a half, because last night the news came out that Emma has dropped out of the project. Variety’s Marc Graser tweeted the news, following up with “Details to come.”
Why oh why is Emma dashing our dreams? It could be because she’s already playing Belle in an upcoming Beauty and the Beast movie, and she doesn’t want to monopolize the princess market. Another speculation that’s likely to be made is that Emma is playing Anastasia Steele in the Fifty Shades of Grey adaptation. She’s been one of the precisely 25,584 names attached to the role. God forbid she get the movies mixed up and bring her glass slipper to the Fifty Shades set instead of her handcuffs.
But the more important question is who will play Cinderella now. Other actresses like Saoirse Ronan, Gabriella Wilde and Alicia Vikander have previously been discussed as possible choices. But I think we should stick with someone named Emma so there’s no confusion. I think we can all agree that’s a good choice, especially since actresses named Emma are categorically awesome.
For instance, how about a sarcastic Cinderella played by Emma Stone? The idea of this really excites me. This Emma would add a feminist edge to the story that I’d love to see. Like maybe this time Cinderella has to return the prince’s shoe to him. And she has snarky comebacks for her evil stepsisters. Ahh, I love this idea so much already.
Or what about Emma Roberts? She could bring a nice contemporary deadpan edge to the role and be like the Manic Pixie Dreamgirl version of Cinderella, who inspires the stoic prince to become more free-spirited. She could wear a quirky hat instead of a glass slipper. Yeah, this sounds good.
Or since this is a Kenneth Branagh film, what about his ex-wife Emma Thompson? Who cares if they’re divorced now? He cast her so much before that he would probably cast her again without even realizing. I think we could have an older Cinderella. And she’s Emma Thompson, so she can do no wrong.
Now if Cate Blanchett drops out of playing the Evil Stepmother, I will really lose all faith in humanity.