Welp, Desiree Hartsock has been announced as the star of the next season of The Bachelorette, surprising exactly zero people but disappointing me extravagantly. Ever since she first set foot on the show and her job title flashed up under her picture, this moment was pretty much a done deal. I mean, the girl is a bridal stylist — a BRIDAL STYLIST. You’re telling me that this beautiful single girl with shiny bangs spends all day helping other women into their wedding dresses with no glimpse of true love in sight for herself? Good lord, what a gold mine. They might as well have started filming her season in overlap with Sean Lowe‘s from that first day, that was how pre-ordained this moment was.
Think about it — Des has been quietly campaigning for this ever since the episode where she got kicked off. She was clinging to Sean, pleading with him, telling him he was making a mistake and making crying squeaks with her voice, but no crying tears were coming out of her eyes. I don’t know how it is in your side of town, Des, but where I’m from, if you’re really sad, your body knows it and makes salt water come out of you. If you’re not sad and you’re just trying to put on a show for the camera, you have time to apply an extra layer of lipgloss right before your big scene, and you have to keep turning away from the camera to fake wipe your eyes. I see you, Desiree, and you producers, too! Trying to make me feel sympathy for Des just because her brother called it like it is and she’s pretending to be in love with Sean after, like, five weeks of filming? Nice try.
And another thing. How are we seriously doing another white Bachelorette? There hasn’t been enough backlash yet, guys? You’re totally comfortable with eighteen blindingly white seasons of reality television with just some token people of color thrown in to get eliminated in the first couple rounds? That’s impressively ballsy, and not in a good way. If I worked for ABC, I would’ve been pushing hard for Sarah Herron to be the next star of the show. Considering the amount of pressure that the network is under for being discriminatory, casting a likable, beautiful, kind, genuine, emotional woman who also happens to be handicapped would’ve gone a long way in buying them some more time before they need to fully address their own bigotry. I just feel like Sarah is an incredibly real, passionate person, and I can’t believe ABC didn’t take advantage of the opportunity to mitigate their image problems. Plus, after everything that Sarah has said about not feeling good enough because of the way her relationships have ended in the past, wouldn’t it have been rewarding to watch men compete for her affections and attentions for once? I think every woman can relate to the emotion that Sarah described of feeling ‘great, but not good enough’, and I would’ve loved to watch her overcome that. It would’ve been inspiring for so many reasons.
But instead we get to watch Desiree rearrange her face all season and try to squeeze some teardust out of it as she effuses, “I can’t believe I’m falling in love with more than one person. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do”, while her hard-luck brother grills the guys in the background, trying to secure himself a spot on Bachelor Pad. Spare me. Just spare me.