• Mon, Mar 11 2013

Lady Gaga Might Be Getting Married — Chicken Dress Or Beef Dress?

Lady Gaga Ecuadorian Embassy October 9th 2012

Guys, it might actually be happening. The event we’ve been wondering about for years. We would sit in our houses watching Lady Gaga performing at an award show covered in blood or spitting a diamond into her teacup in front of Anderson Cooper, and we’d think, “What will happen if that lady gets married? What if she has kids?” Well, we might actually be able to find out very soon.

Gaga’s friend Lady Starlight (They’re both ladies, so why wouldn’t it be true?) told The Daily Star that Gaga and her actor boyfriend Taylor Kinney are ready to get married. Starlight said: “She’s told me he’s the one and you know that instantly when you see them together.” Starlight added, “From all I’ve heard, I don’t think I’m dropping a secret by saying they are ready to get hitched this year. There’s a summer period when his shooting schedule will be clear and her ­concert and studio commitments will be minimal, so expect an announcement some time soon.”

My head is already swirling with wedding ideas. What would Gaga’s wedding board on Pinterest look like? Would we even be able to recognize it as a Pinterest board? Would it just be a bunch of random, disturbing images? Like a photo of a man with a beard made of bees next to “The Scream” by Edvard Munch next to a photo of the person with the world record for longest fingernails next to a video of vampire bats feeding next to one of Madonna’s booby Instagram pictures? And then she has it titled “Wedding” with no further explanation?

One thing’s certain. Gaga’s bridesmaid dresses will give new meaning to the “I’ll never be able to wear this again” complaint. It won’t be because the color looks terrible or there are dated shoulder pads. It’ll be because there’s a tree growing out of one side or a bustle made of spikes that makes it dangerous to sit down.

Or Gaga could just really shock us by throwing the most traditional, run-of-the-mill wedding imaginable. I’m talking a dress without a mile-long train, terrible dancing, awkward conversations between strangers, and a table full of envelopes filled with checks for modest amounts. And we’ll all read about it and lose sleep wondering what it all means.

I still need to know one thing, though. Will the mannequin be invited?

(Photo: Will Alexander/WENN.com)

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