I mean, honestly, how could I ever have beaten her in the I’m-a-fun-gal-pal-friend-karaoke round of the competition? Or in the you-wanna-know-if-I-can-keep-a-secret tournament that experts predicted would be thrown in as a surprise at the end of the race? I spend all day on the Internet waxing poetic about my secrets and we still don’t even know her son’s name. No, no, no, the right woman won. And I’m glad they called it early, the embarrassment when I lost would be too great to bear.
Even The Sun, a publication respected in journalism circles far and wide for never twisting the truth or bending the facts, acknowledges that Adele deserves the title.
Adele’s been hanging around with Jennifer Lawrence since the Oscars. “Jennifer’s set to come to London later this year to film an X Men movie and Adele’s recommending she move to Notting Hill, where she has a house.”
So while we now have to step back from our obsession and admit that we’ll never be J.Law’s best friend, we can sleep soundly knowing that she’s with the right woman. And in Notting Hill. A place, where rumor has it, a lonely bookstore owner with a sad haircut managed to woo an American film star and convince her to move there. But that’s only a rumor that I heard on TBS once.