You guys, isn’t that just the cutest baby picture of Ed Sheeran, noted leprachaun and rumored Taylor Swift paramour?? Look at his little toddler cheeks, and glinting infant eyes! Look how he’s holding his head up! What a strong neck! Good job, little baby Ed Sheeran, you’ll be walking soon!
…uh-oh, I’m being informed by my editor and Wikipedia and every news outlet ever that Ed Sheeran is not, in fact, a toddler, but actually a grown man. My brain can absorb that information (he did seem pretty tall for a baby), but I can’t help but notice how at odds that information is with the fact that Ed’s managers won’t allow him to have a credit card. When I hear something like that, I just automatically assume that someone is under the age of fifteen and/or unable to read a map, but it turns out that Ed is actually a twenty-two year old with a career and presumably some business sense, so this statement makes zero sense to me:
“My manager doesn’t let me have credit cards as I do weird things. He has to approve everything I buy.”
When I first read that, I was like, “Oh no! Ed Sheeran! Who is running your life and why? Why have they told you that the things you do are weird?! I have no doubt that you’re perfectly normal and these evil managers of yours are squirreling vast piles of money away from your main money vat (you have to keep it in a vat — you don’t want it to go bad, do you?) and hoarding it under their floorboards. And then I read the next part of the quote, discussing said managers:
“One day I said, ‘I think I’ll go and buy some cars today’, and he goes, ‘Right, but you don’t drive’.”
Oh Ed Sheeran, you foolish foolish boy. First of all, if you’re over the age of sixteen and don’t have your driver’s license, what are you doing with your life? And second of all, what rational human being wakes up like a homing beacon in the morning and just sets out their front door in search of cars to not drive? That is nonsensical. It’s times like this I’m glad your mother and I never taught you to open the cookie jar or get in and out of your own diapers. What a relief.
(Image: Michael Wright / WENN.com)