I’m starting to think that Chelsea Handler thinks it’s 2005, because she still talks about Angelina Jolie as if she just saw found a really old People magazine at the bottom of the pile at the dentist’s office and was appalled by news of the Brangelina scandal.
Chelsea was on Bravo‘s Watch What Happens Live, where she told Andy Cohen that Angelina “seems like a demon” and that “it has nothing to do with Jennifer [Aniston]. As a woman, I know when you see somebody walking across the room that’s a bad girl.”
Granted, she is really good friends with Jennifer Aniston, therefore she gets asked about Angelina a lot, but couldn’t she just say, “Please see my previous 100 comments on the issue” and call it a day? Don’t get me wrong, I’m Team Aniston all the way, but now that Brangelina are basically founding a new nation in their snobby bubble of a million children and Jennifer is getting married, all the Angelina Jolie jabs are kind of irrelevant. Especially since we all already know Angelina is a “bad girl.” We all saw that rogue leg at the Oscars.
But Chelsea wasn’t done making comments that she and other people have already made countless times. Andy Cohen asked her with whom she sided in the Taylor Swift vs.Tina Fey and Amy Poehler controversy that made doves cry and countless people Google “Where do I buy my ticket to Hell also when will Tina and Amy be arriving?” Chelsea replies with the most horrifying response anyone can make, saying she’s “not on anyone’s side, because I don’t care enough.” I know I’m not the only one who thinks not taking Amy and Tina’s side on anything should be made illegal.
But then Chelsea kinda sorta does take their side, because she says it was a rightly made joke about Taylor’s “embarrassing” demeanor. Watch her talk about it here. Then she adds:
“My theory about Taylor Swift is that she’s a virgin [and] that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she’s like, ‘I’m not gonna do it,’ and they’re like, ‘Oh, well, forget it. Then I don’t wanna date you.’
Every guy thinks they’re gonna devirginize her, and they’re not,” said Chelsea. “She’s never gonna get devirginized. Ever. Ever, ever, ever, ever.”
That’s not exactly a theory, Chelsea. A lot of people — like, say, Harry Styles — would say it’s a known fact. I mean, Taylor talks about antiques. Antiques. Have you ever met a non-prude who talked about antiques? I’ve only heard of one, a girl who forced men to watch Antiques Roadshow repeats after their they did the deed. But I think that’s just a myth.
Chelsea Handler and Whoopi Goldberg often display the same flaw to me, and that’s their frequent lack of knowledge of events in the news that they’re paid to know about and comment on. What I consistently hear from them on Chelsea Lately and The View is, “What’s that? I didn’t hear about that. Whatever, I don’t care, why should I know about that? It’s not like it’s my job or anything.”
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