It seems that all our beloved pop starlets are growing old prematurely these days. First Lady Gaga injured her hip so badly that she started hoarding fish to cope (so sad). Then Miley Cyrus became an old blue hair seemingly overnight. And now, alas, 28-year-old Katy Perry has become an old lady who should honestly be pulling a Miss Havisham at this point and be sitting around a dirty house in her yellowing whipped cream bras yearning for her youth. At least, according to Selena Gomez, who is likely to be the next resident of the retirement home.
In a new interview with Harper’s Bazaar, Selena marvels at old crone Katy Perry’s ability to stay optimistic about romance, despite her mature age:
“I believe in love—yes, I’m one of those girls,” she says. “Most of my friends believe in love. I went out with Katy Perry last night. She’s so fun and awesome, but it’s cool to see someone older believe in love too. She is all about it, and that’s how I will always be. I believe in stories like, ‘Oh, I met him in Starbucks.’”
First of all, I find it so refreshing that Selena is one of those rare girls who believe that people are capable of meeting their soul mate at Starbucks. I personally am a complete Starbucks soul mate pessimist. Who could have a meaningful meet-cute over the noise of blenders and coffee grinders? And don’t even get me started on the fact that those baristas have the coffee ready before you’ve even uttered the last syllable of your order, making a flirty conversation while you wait at the counter impossible.
But second of all, I’m so happy that sad spinster Katy Perry hasn’t let her advanced age make her jaded about the possibility of romance. When she started spending time with Santa Claus, I really thought she had given up hope. Good for you, Katy Perry! And remember, if things don’t work out with Santa, there’s always OurTime.com. Also, will you let me use your senior discount to buy movie tickets this weekend? Thanks a million.
So Selena, follow in Katy’s dignified older lady footsteps (They’re shaped like sensible pumps) and don’t give up on love. Although if you really want to be mature, stay away from adult baby Justin Bieber. That’s just weird.