Look. Someone has to say it. Katniss Everdeen looks like a total bridezilla in her Catching Fire wedding dress. Just look at it. It has approximately 1400 layers of fabric. She could have used that to make at least three summer rompers for Prim to play in when she’s out and about playing with her cat. Or a seersucker suit for Peeta Mellark when he goes out to the Hamptons on the weekend.
The Hamptons? In Panem? Um yeah. Just because there’s a revolution doesn’t mean that rich people stop summering. C’mon people! How would you even get there? Just drive toward District 13, take a left when you see the new Container Store and the Hamptons is right there. Do try the organic lobster roll at Gale’s Seafood Shack. He makes them fresh every day and sprinkles them with just enough squirrel meat to add an unexpected kick of flavor.
I’m sure we’ll learn all about the Hamptons of Panem in the fourth Hunger Games book. Which I heard comes out this summer. It’s all about Katniss and her marriage to Peeta and their struggle to raise level-headed kids in a world where they’re national heroes. And like we’ve seen with Jaden and Willow Smith, that’s not always an easy task.
But we can discuss all that when Catching Private School Fever: How To Feed Hungry Kids comes out. Today’s all about Katniss Everdeen. And her wedding dress. Don’t get me wrong. It’s beautiful. But it’s a little much. Don’t you think? I mean, there’s a revolution about to go down and she’s wearing custom couture. I think it borders on tacky. But she clearly watched enough wedding reality shows during her downtime in District 12 to know it’s okay to act like a total witch during your wedding. In fact, it’s kinda expected.
And before all you crazy kids start accusing me of not reading the books. You’re wrong. I read all them. You need proof? I love the part when the giant showed up at Katniss Everdeen’s house and was like “you’re a wizard!” Then Katniss is all like, “actually I’m not a wizard because I had sex with this vampire kid and now I’m a vampire for like ever and ever.”