The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills: New City, Same Breakdown

When we last left The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the ladies were getting hammered and throwing money around like it’s confetti in Paris. This is because these women have nothing else to do but leave their young children and go on trips. As far as the states of the housewives go, there has been some tension brewing between Lisa Vanderpump and her gal pal, Kyle Richards, and it all came to a head this week. Brandi Glanville is bonding with boring Yolanda Foster, and Adrienne Maloof is nowhere to be seen. This is probably because she and Brandi Glanville hate each other and also because Andy Cohen fired her ass.

In other news, Kim Richards was being suspected of being drunk when all the women reunite from the flight. She was laughing for no reason, slurring her words, and talking nonsense while the rest of the women watched some fireworks in peace. Now we see her walking down the streets of Paris with Lisa and Ken Vanderpump and seems to be a little tipsy. She’s slurring her words and rambling about her relationship with her sister that has been on the rocks for awhile now. Lisa is so confused by Kim’s behavior and says that her moods are “up and down like a bloody yo-yo.” Ken is convinced she’s medicated. They speculate that she’s drinking and taking pills at the same times. Yolanda, drama queen of the century, is scared that Kim might accidentally die. Listen, if I know anything, I know Kim Richards, and that girl knows how to handle a glass of wine and a Valium. She’s fine.

I just wish that Kim could at least be on time to something. Then maybe everyone wouldn’t want to drive her to the nearest rehab center. She’s late to a cooking class (taught by an American chef? WTF?), and Kyle and Yolanda go to check up on her at her hotel room. Now they’re both worried that she’s dead. When she finally answers the door, they realize that she’s not doped up on drugs; she was just sleeping. These women could possibly be jet-lagged, right? When Lisa accuses Kim of taking a sleeping pill, Kim is offended. She claims, “If I had taken a sleeping pill, that would mean that I relapsed.” She then cries in the van to Kyle about how she cannot believe that these people think she has relapsed. She thinks that Lisa was making comments about taking pills because she wanted to make the rest of the women believe she’s back to her old ways.

Why some may think Kim is overreacted and hypersensitive, I do see where she’s coming from. I’d be upset too if people thought I had relapsed when all I did was sleep through my alarm. Though we all know that it was never Lisa’s intention to hurt Kim’s feelings, I still get it.

Lisa tries to get the scoop about Kim from Kyle who tries to diffuse the whole situation. This obviously puts Kyle in an uncomfortable position because Lisa is her best friend but Kim is her sister. She’s really stuck in the middle of this tiff. Kyle has her own grudge against Lisa when it comes to her newfound friendship with Brandi. What better way to clear the air than at the top of the Eiffel Tower? These women and their dramatics. Kyle and Lisa start talking about the same shit that they’re always talking about. Their relationship has changed. Each woman has betrayed the other in some sort of way. Things get a bit heated and then highly emotional when Kyle demands that Lisa tell her that she loves her. In true Lisa fashion, she replies, “I fucking love.” They’re fine. They’re over it. And frankly, so am I.

Final thought: Why are the women in white pants this entire episode? I don’t get this. If you were to ask my boyfriend why the women were all wearing white pants, he would say it’s because they are Americans, and Americans are stupid. (Second sidenote: he is also American.) He also joked, “I thought the white party was last week.”

This is what happens when you force a man to watch Bravo with you.