• Tue, Mar 5 2013

Teen Mom 2: Chelsea Houska Needs Pregnancy 101 Class

teen_mom_2_chelsea_houska_aubree

I mean, honestly. When a Teen Mom 2 episode practically centers around whether you’re pregnant again or not, while you’re all nonchalant and whatevs about it…you may need to enroll in All The Ways One Can Get Preggo class. This is different than the Leah Messer is pregnant again fiasco of a couple of episodes ago. At least Leah planned for that (albeit with the same consequences). But all that hair dye has finally gone to Chelsea Houska’s head. Here are some things we’ll be discussing in class:

  • Making sure that you’re not on birth control or that your IUD fell out.
  • Sleeping with your douchebag baby daddy when he randomly comes over but then doesn’t call you/texts you hateful things for weeks after.
  • See above and add – never using a condom.

Don’t take a pregnancy test to be sure, either. I mean, where’s the fun in that? You totes could see yourself having another adorbs Aubs with Adam Lind, the perpetual wing-eating, Father of the Year. Ugh, Chels. Get it together, girl. Every time you’re all beauty school student of the month and hanging with Aubree like a normal Mom, you let this dude hit it and quit it? Oh wait, tried that quit it part before and definitely have a child with this douchepants mcgee.

So, you’re telling me you learned zero lessons and also don’t have the constant fear of having another child with Adam Lind? Somethin’ wrong with you. He’s a sucky person, Chels! The mere thought of bearing and raising another product of the dude who doesn’t even want to parent the first child would have me triple protecting myself at all times. Oh yah, and not sleeping with him ever. But that’s just me. I know it makes for good drama but damn, it also makes Chelsea look like a real idiot as no-show Adam slams her via text message, drags her along, and just outright lies to her after she catches him on Facebook. I mean, it’s not real love like Jenelle Evans and Kieffer Delp.

teen_mom_2_jenelle_evans_kieffer_delp

Yup, I said it. And it happened. A Jenelle and Kieffer reunion – post probation and post prison time served for the respective parties. Kieffer is Jenelle’s green-hoodied sailor, coming back from months at sea and the self-admitted “more grown up” Jenelle just can’t wait to get over Gary Head and You Slept With Tori Before We Were Even Dating-gate. She’s choosing the easiest and most available option by meeting up with the supposed “changed” Kieffer. List of things to do when you get off probation: 1. Smoke weed (obvi) 2. Hook up with the dude who landed me on probation in the first place. Good plan! But then, Jenelle is the Goddess of Good Plans, so are we surprised? Nope.

Anyway, much to Babs’ dismay, Jenelle is off to meet Kieffer, against the advice of every single person that’s managed to stay in her life. Gary Head was just a speed bump on the road of true love. Kieffer, compared to Gary, is nice and Jenelle has always had a place in her heart for him. Too bad he’s unemployed and has a record. But, to each her own. The door is left open for ol’ Jenelle. She’s off probation, prepared to party, and hanging with Kieffer. If you’ve read the gigantic spoiler alert that is Jenelle’s twitter page, you can understand what is to come…but for now, maybe she’ll make it to class once in awhile, visit Jace once in awhile, and only smoke pot once in awhile. Here’s hoping.

teen_mom_2_kailyn_isaac

Kailyn Lowry is still dealing with the repercussions of her quick draw Protection From Assault Order against Jo Rivera. Although, since Jo is handling this better than anyone would expect, Kailyn really just has to deal with her own mess. Her friend comes over to rehearse the lines that MTV has fed her (seriously, can’t they think of anything else to say besides “how do you feel about that”) and Kailyn has some anxiety about seeing Jo at the Isaac drop-off. Naturally so. I would be dunzo with Kailyn’s shenanigans already, but I guess Jo and family is a more tolerant kind. The thing is, I really do think she only wants to do what’s best for Isaac, but her selfishness gets in the way of being rational all the time. Hence, no longer will new girlfriends and new boyfriends be allowed at Isaac exchanges. One small step for man…

Kailyn still can’t get over Vee, Jo’s girlfriend, but continues to date Javi Marroquin. You can cut the double standard with a knife. She argues with Javi (and everyone, really…just chill a bit, babe) about how she and Jo need to go to co-parenting counseling and make it right for baby Isaac. Also, Kailyn is trying to focus more on school and not be like 35 years old when she graduates college. Javi’s not thrilled about all this interaction with a man who allegedly put his hands on his woman, but Kailyn’s not too worried. Mostly cause she still is mad jealous of Jo’s new girlfriend and sorta kinda wants to be with Jo herself. That probably pisses Javi off a bit. It’s a little like what poor Jeremy Calvert is going through with the whole Leah, Corey, Jeremy wtf triangle.

teen_mom_2_leah_messer_jeremy

So, Leah Messer is still working out who she wants to be with. Baby Daddy and recently divorced Corey Simms or the man who just proposed to her, has been living with her for months and who Leah was going to have his child. Sooo….ok, got it. Leah hops on over to Corey’s new house aka a declaration of look how I’m trying to be an adult, Leah! These two…I tell yah. I’m baffled. But then again, I don’t really have much West Virginia, teen Mom, married and divorced in a year life experience to draw from, I’ll admit. Leah and Corey have their usual, what do you want to do, no what do you want to do, you tell me, no you say it first conversation. I guess Corey puts up a good argument for “let’s get back together” complete with an added “we’ll go to therapy” appeasement factor.

Later, Leah is gonna break the news to Jeremy (who I determined, in the early hours of the morning, looks like a mashup of Jake Gyllenhaal and Lance Bass…am I close?). Jeremy finally stands up to Leah who has been ridiculously ridiculous, and gives her a piece of his mind. And he’s right. Leah has been acting like a spoiled brat who can’t decide what she wants after a solidly employed dude has proposed to her and committed to giving her a sweet non-trailer life. I mean…what? Well, out goes Jeremy with engagement ring in tow and promises of no getting back togethersies after Leah does whatever she’ll do with Corey. I think I’ll put Leah in the running with Jenelle for Goddess of Good Plans. We do know that reconciliation is actually in the future mix, but I wanna see what happens in between. I wonder what it will be that actually has Leah forgetting about Corey and moving on with Jeremy. Seriously…enough already. I love it.

(Images: facebook)

You can reach this post's author, Carling Uhler, on twitter.
Share This Post: