There has been a great injustice done to my childhood dreams, you guys. When I first saw the new version of Charlie’s Angels with Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, and Cameron Diaz, each with their differently colored sassy hairstyles and quirky personalities, I thought those ladies would be friends for life. The way they bumped hips in congratulations when they solved a crime, or donned a disguise that was really only a wig thrilled and excited me, and I imagined growing up into my own version of Alex, Dylan, or Natalie. That’s what us kids did back then, after we’d sorted ourselves into Harry Potter houses, but before we’d decided which character on Sex and the City we had most in common with.
And for a while, it seemed like their bond was solid. In this age of divorces and reality TV spats, the friendship between these women was something I could rely on. They did interviews together, went to each others’ weddings, appeared in my daydreams. And now…a mere thirteen years later…I come to find out they don’t still hang out every second?? Drew and Cameron are down vacationing in Mexico right now, but it looks like they forgot to invite Lucy and accidentally brought Reese Witherspoon instead. I’m sure Reese is really great and all, and the Bikini Bootcamp thing they’re doing sounds like a lot of fun, but what happens when a mysterious villain starts stealing the hair of all the women on the beach? Will Reese know the karate moves to use? And what if they need to talk in secret in front of people? Will Reese know the pidgin Swedish that the Angels use to communicate? This just raises a lot of questions for me, guys. I didn’t think my brain would ever have to adjust to a world in which Charlie’s Angels had babies.