I watched LA Shrinks last night. All I have to say about that is wow. Bravo’s getting increasingly better at creating cringeworthy TV shows that border on being an extended Saturday Night Live sketch.
Up until last night, I understand why they chose the professions they chose for their hit shows. Chefs and designers and gallery owners and housewives with shady side businesses are all people who benefit from having their career in the public eye. It makes sense that they would welcome cameras into their workplaces and into their homes.
A show about therapists, however, does not make sense to me. Call me crazy (and some licensed therapists have), but I believe a cornerstone of therapy is confidentiality. While I know that everyone involved in this show signed releases, it still makes me uncomfortable. Mostly because these are supposed to be the people who have it all together. I know, I know, no one’s perfect.
But watching this show’s the equivalent of seeing your first grade teacher do body shots in a family-style chain restaurant. While you can totally (kinda) accept they have lives outside of their classrooms, you don’t want to know anything about it. If they told you that they slept fetal style under their desks each night, you’d be totally cool with that. If they told you they never slept and just spend all night reorganizing the magic marker bin, you’d be even cooler with it. It’s the same way with therapists. I know they do leave their offices at some point each day. But where they go from there should be a mystery. For everyone. Even the therapist.
So with all that said, let’s talk about what happened on the show. Don’t have time to talk. Here’s what you need to know. These super chic LA shrinks love talking about sex, about not having sex, about their clients not having sex and what it all means!
Have more time? Okay, then you should meet Dr. V (Venus Nicolino). She’s probably the least stable out of the three of them, the kind of reality character who makes reality show editors salvitate. But that’s just because she kicked off the series by faux-complaining about being the only women in a house full of men. “All these dicks!” she exclaims — because that’s an appropriate way to talk about the four young boys she has living in her house. Then she says that she’s a child that her husband Michael tolerates, and you know what, that feels really good. It’s just I don’t know, things I don’t want my therapist saying. Especially since she seems to specialize in couples counseling.
I want to say that the couple she counseled during the show got paid to appear on the show. And that they met six minutes before the camera showed up. They’re a newly engaged couple who are having some sexual problems. Probably because they just met. Or because he thrusts his penis too hard into her (her words, not mine). Dr. V’s advice? Record their next sex session so she can analyze it. While I’m sure that’s something that does go on when you’re getting relationship counseling, I’m not sure I want to hear it on a Monday night. Here’s to hoping that gets edited out.
Next up is Dr. Gregory Casan. He’s all about sharing his personal life with his clients. Also about revealing therapy secrets. Secrets that I don’t think any of us want revealed. Want to know his juicy scoop? Sometimes therapists have lots of gas and struggle to listen to you during your session because they’re focused on the fact they can’t fart. Charming. Lovely.
Finally we have Eris Huemer. Eris makes me sad. Mostly because she wants a baby and her husband and her never have sex. She googled it. You have to sex to get pregnant. So she hires an aphrodisiac chef to cook her and her husband a sexy time dinner. Oh and in classic Bravo fashion, they have a shot of Eris getting dressed in just her bra and underwear. Because sure, that’s a necessary shot. For Bravo and also for Eris’ clients.
And that’s the series premiere of LA Shrinks. I’m scared to tune in next week. Mostly because I hate having ethical debates with myself in my head as to whether I should record a show or report a show.