The New Iron Man 3 Trailer Is Not Messing Around

You guys, there’s a new trailer out for Iron Man 3, and it is not effing around. In case you were worried that there wouldn’t be any explosions or romantic themes or Robert Downey Jr. catchphrases or trying timings or lofty soundtracks or insurmountable odds or new robots or Gwyneth Paltrow flying through the air clad only in a bra or secret super villains named Mandarin, FEAR NOT. Because there are all of those things and more. Oh so much more.

So apparently in this movie, Tony Stark thinks he’s gonna give up being Iron Man. He’s got Pepper Potts on his arm, a beauteous ruby around her neck, and they’re planning on riding off into the normal-person sunset together with never a glance back at their superhero past. EXCEPT. Some new supervillain with a ponytail is lurking in dark, greenish shadows and using a Heath Ledger as The Joker knockoff voice to taunt Iron Man. He says he’ll give him a choice between an empty life and a meaningful death. Oh no! What’s Tony Stark to do? And then he starts wreaking havoc through the city and it kind of seems like the citizens are kinda madbros about the fact that Tony has all this military-grade firepower at his fingertips and he won’t use it to help defend them. Those days are behind him! Things are different now! Now he has to spend time defending the only thing he can’t live without. And that’s Pepper. Right here in River City. With a capital P that rhymes with B that stands for ‘Booooo! Iron Man! Come protect us from the Mandarin!’

…is it obvious yet that I went to theater camp when I was little instead of reading comic books? Yeah I’m thinking it might be.