Justin Bieber had his self-described ‘worst birthday’ ever this year, which should serve as a necessary and not at all gentle reminder to us all that when you’re Justin Bieber, life is really hard. For example, when you have your nineteenth birthday in London where the drinking age is lower, and your friends are all rich and famous enough to fly out to join you with their presents of diamonds and moonbeams and even (if only briefly) party with you in a club when they’re only fourteen…that can still be the worst day of your life.
First of all, let me clarify something — that photo above is not from Justin’s actual birthday. That’s actually from the night before, when he was shirtlessly roaming the streets like a banshee and getting back to his hotel at 6:30am.That was supposed to be the pre-party, which makes me fear for his plans for the real party, but also makes me think he might’ve shot his partywad a little early, if you know what I mean. You gotta save somethin’ for the real thing, little buddy. And in this case ‘the real thing’ was a circus-themed party at a hot London club where Justin was planning to party with rumored new girlfriend, the impressively hyphenated Ellen-Paige Roberts-Clarke, 17, Jaden Smith, 14, and a whole host of other underage famous nuggets. However, the club had understandable reservations about allowing a high-profile fourteen year old to party in their club, so they apparently had some words with Justin and he left shortly after, posting on his Twitter:
“The funny moment when people believe I brought underage people to a club. U think Will is letting his 14 year old in a club, I don’t think so. I love how the club wanted to give the press another reason to why we didn’t stay at their weak ass club so they wouldn’t look bad for me walking in and right back out. I said … ‘worst bday‘ but that was due to dummies pushing over my fans and being overly aggressive. Btw it wasn’t the worst bday cuz all my friends from back home flew in I was just mad in the moment.”
Oh okay. Thank god. Because I was really worried that you might never recover from a night this epically bad. And there’s no one who fills out diaper pants quite like J-Biebs, so get back out there, buddy! We can’t do this without you.
(Image: Palace Lee / Pacific Coast News)