• Fri, Mar 1 2013

Everything Ke$ha’s Ever Done: Ranked From Least To Most Offensive

Kesha photo

(Via Josephine Santos, PacificCoastNews.com)

Making a list of the most offensive things someone’s done is hard when a quick Google search brings up headlines like, “Pens song about vagina with mum.” I am, of course, talking about Ke$ha, who woke up this morning feeling both like P.Diddy and a year older. The glitter-obsessed, Teen Mom-idol turns 26 today. I thought I knew about the crazy stuff Ke$ha’s done, but I had no idea. Reading about this girl on the internet leads you on an insane path of insanity. Beards in her mouth. Tattoos in her mouth. Pee in her mouth. Hmm… I’m sensing a pattern here.  Basically, Kedollarsignha has done some weird shit. Love her or hate her– and, just sayin’, I honestly love how fun and free spirited she seems– here’s eight things Ke$ha’s done ranked from least to most offensive.

8. Put a dollar sign in her name.

The dollar sign is more ridiculous than offensive and makes us ponder life’s big questions. Like, is Ke$ha smarter than all of us and doing all this dollar sign, glitter makeup, party music, urine drinking (See: number one. Whoa, pun not intended.) stuff as a post-modern commentary on the state of our world that is too advanced for us to understand? Maybe so. Probably not. Mostly the dollar sign just allows me to call her Kedollarsignha and that’s my favorite part about it.

7. Glitter Roadie

Ke$ha has a glitter roadie. What’s a glitter roadie you ask? Is it not obvious?! According to Ke$ha, “His only job is to deal with the glitter
and to lather baby oil all over my body. Then I roll around in it and have to sit there until the baby oil dries. When I go to the bathroom you can follow the trail of glitter and tell which stall I peed in. I leave it all over the men I make out with.” This one is mostly just offensive to the glitter roadie himself, but I assume if you become Ke$ha’s glitter roadie in the first place, then you’re probably pretty comfortable with what you’re getting into. Also, as you’ll see, she talks about pee soooo much.

6. Her SNL performance

Ke$ha’s songs are fun and she’s quite good at writing catchy pop songs. Those are compliments and I’m pointing that out because the rest of this is gonna be a little… not so complimentary. Ke$ha isn’t the best singer. Her Saturday Night Live performance really drew attention to this. Ke$ha sung “Tik Tok” while dressed in a gold jumpsuit and American flag cape while people in astronaut costumes danced behind her. Then she performed “Your Love Is My Drug” under a black light while covered in day-glo paint. And lasers! Can’t forget the lasers! I know it sounds amazing–how could all those things mixed together not be, right?– but it was really, really, really awkward and hard to both watch and listen to.

5. This Outfit

Blonde singer Kesha performs on 'The Today Show' in an outrageous outfit that includes a lace body suit featuring an inverted cross on the front in New York City

(Via JGM, PacificCoastNews.com)

4. Lip Tattoo
kesha lip tattoo

Ke$ha got a tattoo on the inside of her lip last year that reads, “suck it!” Because if you want to tell someone to suck it, there is no more convenient way than pulling down your lip and baring your tiny tattoo. Unless you just, say, give them the finger or actually say “suck it” out loud.

3. Put Your Beard in My Mouth Blog

keshabeard

(via)

Holy crap. I had not heard of this before and IT IS EXACTLY WHAT IT SOUNDS LIKE. Ke$ha started a Tumblr of pictures of her with dudes’ beards in her mouth. What?!? And I quote Ms. Dollar-Sign-Ha, “This is like a dating website. But. Just for me. Goodnight beards. I’ll dream of you all. In my mouth.” I love-slash-hate that quote so much.

2. Tweeting Picture of Herself Peeing in the Street

Kesha pee tweet
As of my writing this post, Ke$ha’s most recent Tweet reads: “a boa constrictor just renewed my faith in the magic of life. u never know…” I have no idea what that means, but it sounds positive so that’s good. In general Ke$ha seems pretty positive and life loving. You could maybe say she loves life, and sharing her life via Twitter, a little too much. Like when she posted a picture of herself peeing in the street with the caption, “Pee pee on the street. Po Po come n get me if u can find meeee.” In response to the haters, Ke$ha said, much more elegantly than her “pee pee” caption, “It’s an animal instinct as humans and as an animal. I had to pee and outside there’s paparazzi everywhere– what am I supposed to do? I accept it’s uncouth, but it’s just being an animal.”

1. Drinking Her Own Urine

Speaking of urine. For like the fifth time. Ke$ha will soon have a documentary about her life on MTV titled, “Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life.” In an interview about the show, which debuts in April, Ke$ha stated that the show contains “all the things you would want to see and all the things you wouldn’t” for example, drinking her own pee because she was told it was healthy. In the immortal words of Summer Roberts, “Ew!”

Happy 26th, Ke$ha! Keep on keeping it cla$$y!

 

Share This Post:
  • Stevie

    I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE”S FAMOUS OR WHY PEOPLE THINK SHE’S KINDA TALENTED. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HER.

  • Cec1000

    She makes me laugh but I’m not so sure about the way she markets herself. She’s one of the most talented people in pop music (and that includes as a vocalist when she does suitable songs) but her antics distract from that. She should be putting the focus mainly on her singing and songwriting ability. So many people don’t realise how good her music is because they don’t take her seriously enough to even look into it. They just listen to the party songs her label puts out and falsely assume that’s all she can do.
    Hopefully as she matures, she’ll become more focused on portraying herself in a more positive light. I mean why make beautiful songs like Past Lives and Wonderland or an EP like Deconstructed if she’s going to behave in ways that turn people off. She’s too good not to be taken seriously and she needs to change that.

    • http://twitter.com/Tobi_Is_Fab Nerdy Lucy

      I get it. I don’t love her and I don’t hate her, but on some level I respect her because I think she knows exactly what she’s doing, and IT WORKS. I feel the same way about Gaga.

  • Thaye

    The two completely contrary comments here amuse me.
    I agree with Cec1000 btw. Stevie can stay ignorant and hateful.

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