Bradley Cooper has just signed on to star in Kokowääh, a remake of a 2011 German film of the same name. I know what you’re thinking — “By the name, I immediately know what that movie is going to be about!” — but hear me out for a second, even though it’s so obvious. It’s a comedy, with the plot centering on a carefree writer with no responsibilities who likes to skip through meadows and get his face painted at carnivals…who suddenly discovers that he has an eight-year old daughter. Gasp! Imagine the hijinks that will ensue!
But I bet you’re wondering how to pronounce it. And that’s something that Bradley intended. He made a pact with little Quvenzhané Wallis when they both got rejected at the Oscars this year that he wouldn’t let a year go by without there being something unpronounceable in the mix. He was like, “Hey. Quvenzhané. I got this, okay? Even when the media insists on calling this movie ‘Little K’ next year, WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED.” You know those mainstream perpetrators of ‘gotcha’ journalism are just gonna have the darnedest time getting their mouth around all those vowels and strange consonants. But you’re not the mainstream media, are you, gentle reader? So I bet you want to know how to respectfully and intelligently say the name of B-Coop’s next project. With that in mind, I will humbly teach you.
It’s really easy: Kokowääh. KO. KO. WAAH. Get it? It’s like a cup of cocoa from Sweden, so just pronounce it like that. Say ‘cocoa’ and then add the ‘aaahhh’ part. But don’t forget the double umlaut! It’s like a regular umlaut, but extra, so take that umlaut and double it. It should sound a lot like Quvenzhané, by the time you’re done, just with a few subtle difference that I’m sure you’ll work out on your own.
(Image: Brian To / WENN.com)