Apparently Anne Hathaway Thought The Oscars Was BYONipple

85th Annual Academy Awards - ArrivalsOkay. I will admit that I’m not the biggest Anne Hathaway fan, but I really am trying to be objective about this. What what whaaaaat is Anne wearing on The Oscars red carpet right now? She’s a beautiful girl, she has a perfect body, great skin, and has made glorious fashion choices in the past (or her stylist has, but she’s approved them, anyway), but today was confusing for my eyeballs and my brainballs. Is it just me or does it kind of look like she’s dressed for a prom? And not like a skanky prom that the daughter of one of the Real Housewives would go to — like a nice, ladylike Wisconsin prom. Somewhere where they eat their corn and have a glass of milk before bed. This is a girl who’s going to the dance with her high school sweetheart, Larry, and she’ll only let him kiss her on the cheek. That is until she has a couple swallows of peach schnapps and, flushed with the exuberance of youth, lets him kiss her with tongue and squeeze her left breast. The smaller one, and over the dress.

85th Annual Academy Awards - ArrivalsBut never fear! She still remembers this is the Oscars, so she’s bringing a secret weapon — NIPPLES. Nipples nipples nipples for days. Not content with the ribbon fashion show happening in the back of this pale pink confection, Anne seems to have brought a ready-made pair of rubber nipsies. Right out front, right where we all can see them. If she wins the Oscar, I have a feeling they’ll blink like the headlights of a car. But seriously I don’t get this dress. According to the E! coverage she was supposed to wear Valentino…to the point that even Valentino thought she was wearing Valentino…and then three hours before the red carpet, she switched to this underwhelmer. My only theory is that maybe she’s trying to channel Gwyneth Paltrow in that similarly prom-y and nippletastic light pink number she wore when she won for Shakespeare In Love

But you just go on with your badass self and your daisy chain diamonds, Anne. God knows it doesn’t matter what I think of your fashion choices, you’ll be fondling that golden gentleman all over his Oscar-parts soon enough. Just don’t tell Larry, because he might not let you ride home in his Chevy.

(Image: Jason Merritt / Getty Images)

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    • Cori

      I dunno, those kinds of seams look like they have nipples when they’re on hangers. I’m not convinced.

    • Samantha Escobar

      The title of this article made me LOL for like five minutes.

      • Alexis Rhiannon


    • jenley2013

      Fuck, that was THE WORST DRESS I’ve seen at the Oscars since Bjork. WTF was she thinking!?!?!? Way to be remembered.

    • Alexis Mascitti

      Holy shit, I take it back – your job really is hating on Anne Hathaway.
      What’s your night job, chewing kittens?

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        At night I rest up for more hating. Also I’m allergic to kittens.

      • Alexis Rhiannon

        Also: “She’s a beautiful girl, she has a perfect body, great skin, and has made glorious fashion choices in the past…”

        An actual quote from this article.

    • Val

      The “nipples” are actually just poorly sewn darts on the dress. The placement of them and the sheen on the fabric just make for an unfortunate picture.

      • Jenni

        Who okay’d that dress?

      • abbeysbooks

        What have you got against nipples. National Geographic has been showing breasts for decades. Bite the button and get used to it. They are for babies to suck on among others.

      • Hannah

        Rachel Zoe, of course. L.A.’s worst stylist/reality TV “star”. Why Hathaway still works with her is beyond me, her taste is awful and completely outdated.

    • Katy Hearne

      I love, love, love Anne Hathaway as an actress, but NO! No, ma’am you are not allowed to dress yourself. She 100% of the time looks like she’s going to 1997 prom. bless her beautiful little heart.

    • Chelae belle

      Those are darts in her dress you moron.

      • Jenni

        Darts? Sounds dangerous? Why would she bring darts with her to an awards show?

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