It always starts the same way. You try on a pair of sweatpants, and innocently enough, think “hey, these are comfy!” Then you wear them from your house to the gym, and then to do your grocery shopping, and more and more, until you are a full-blown comfort junkie freebasing polyester and wearing sweatpants off of hookers’ tits as you ruin your friendships, family, and career, all for the sake of that sweet, sweet elastic waistband.
The latest victim of this sad epidemic is Mila Kunis, whose life as a high-functioning sweatpants addict recently faltered when her contract with Dior came to an end, and rather than begging her to stay, they went with Jennifer Lawrence for the new face of Dior. Unlike Kunis, the Hunger Games star is a sparkling sartorial role model who even manages to avoid the stuff even when exercising. Here are some of her first ads:
Will Kunis’ career ever recover from this devastating blow? Nobody can say for sure, but she would do well to check herself into a rehab facility before her addiction gets even further out of control. It’s really the least she can do for the people who care about her, but most importantly, herself.
Just kidding! In actuality, Mila Kunis has already picked up a new contract with Gemfields, is still dating Ashton Kutcher, is still a movie star, so I’d say she’s doing pretty well in general. People need to stop getting so uptight about a little recreational sweatpant-ing.
For further evidence that she can still clean up nicely, check out her charming appearance on Conan last night:
Mila Kunis can do as she likes.
Photo: Pacific Coast News