Put down your Kindles, guys. We have huuuuge news! The Fifty Shades of Grey movie, based on the E.L. James book, has finally been given a release date of Summer 2014. Universal Studios chairman Adam Fogelson is quoted in this post from Handbag.com, saying of the adaptation, “It’s conceivable that we could be ready to release it as early as next summer” Sooo mayybe sometime before the middle of the decade? Possibly when we will have all moved on with our lives. Because in the cutthroat world of millennial pulp serials, one day you’re on top, and the next day you’re Stephanie Meyer. And as embarrassing as Twilight was, its main form of consumption was not the e-book. I mean, the e-reader was made for shame reading like Fifty Shades of Grey. But as far as ticket sales, there is no hiding yourself from the judgment of your fellow movie-goers.
Up to this point, casting has been a big topic of conversation, and everyone from ANTM alum Analeigh Tipton, to Alexis Bledel, to Mila Kunis has been linked to the role of Anastasia Steele. As far as Patrick Bateman rip-off Christian Grey, this IMDB article places Matt Bomer, Ian Somerhalder and Henry Cavill as the role’s front runners. Summer 2014 is kind of a while away, though. If they hope to really keep the enthusiasm high, they need to give their adoring sexually frustrated housewives something to keep them interested. That’s enough time to throw together an American Gladiator style reality show to cast the two lead roles. Maybe work in some cage matches and such. This is the only way you can get me to care about this film. Or, they can make it into a celebrity story time montage. Either will satisfy me.
(Photo from Handbag.com)