If there’s one thing I definitely know about Tina Fey, it’s that I’m obsessed with her. If there are two things I know, it’s that I’m obsessed with her and that she doesn’t particularly excel at acting sexy. Like me, Tina is comfortable being funny all day, but the minute she’s asked to do something sexual, her hands want a sandwich in them and her face wants to spacemorph, which is a term I’m using to describe the stretchy, awkward things my face likes to do instead of a come-hither look or bedroom eyes. In her own, always-hilarious words Tina says, “That’s not where my bread is buttered, thankfully.”
Because that’s the thing, it is something to be thankful for. Ladies like Tina and I know that the ability to summon a boner with mere sexuality and no gangly dancing isn’t everything, okay? There’s more to life, like vetoing the awkward bits of the sex scenes in her new movie Admission: “I was like, First things first: can’t do that, no one wants to see that, not doing that.” I gotta say, I have mad respect for Tina for sticking to her brand and what she’s good at and not doing anything she’s not comfortable with. That said, it sounds like even she would admit that she’s a bit of a mess in the fashion department:
“I don’t actually know what I like to wear in real life. It’s going to be a period of terribly awkward experimentation. Like middle school all over again. Perhaps I’m a person who wears a blouse with an ascot? Dark green nails? I think it’s going to be a series of caftans.”
Sounds…deliriously sexy. And just my style. One thing she’s not into, though? SIDEBOOB. Doesn’t believe in it, not gonna get down with it, don’t try to proselytize. It’s fine for red carpet sometimes, but “Photos are a controlled environment. I would not walk around with it.” That’s my girl, Tina. That’s my girl. And finally, like any good blog post, let’s end with a question about religion. (See Rule #49 Of Responsible Blogging: When blogging, your last or second-to-last sentence should contain the name of or a veiled reference to our lord and savior. Whomever that might be for you.) For Tina, it’s not necessarily a god, but:
“There’s gotta be something out there smarter than us because we’re not that smart. There’s gotta be something. An enormous space ape, perhaps.”
Enormous Space Ape, aka the name of my first album. Look for it in ATMs and select outlets of Au Bon Pain nationwide.