Listen. I’m as guilty as you are. I watch The Bachelor every week. Sure, I have to do the recaps for my job, but there’s no rule that says I have to memorize the minutiae of these people’s lives and be able to recite them on a moment’s notice. That part just happens by itself, and while I’m not proud of it, I accept it. The Bachelor is what it is — just one of life’s guilty pleasures. But lately I’ve been feeling like the show’s producers are starting to take advantage of my goodwill. They know I tune in to their TWO HOUR episode every week, which is already a stretch, and now they’re starting to push it. They’re doing a special episode tonight in addition to last night’s, and if there’s one thing I don’t have, it’s four hours a week to dedicate to watching people fake fall in love on national television. And because their producers are doing me dirty, I’m gonna return the favor and reveal some of the behind-the-scenes secret spoilers of how they get the girls to act so crazy. Wait…what? WHAT. Do you mean to tell me that The Bachelor isn’t a perfect representation of reality and true love and that it might actually be scripted? Oh yeah. Big time. Get ready.
They script the opening moments. When the girls get out of the limo and go meet the guy for the first time, some of them have little moments already planned. They go from the benign — like the girl putting on lipstick to kiss Sean Lowe on the cheek, to wacky — like that guy Travis bringing an ostrich egg to take care of like he’d take care of Emily Maynard. But by and large, those things are created by the producers, not by the women themselves. For example, remember the 50 Shades of Grey girl this season? Her name is Ashley Palenkas and she was OBSESSED with it. She was reading it in all her promo video, talking about it in all of her interviews, and brought a tie with her out of the limo for when she met Sean. Except, in real life…she hasn’t even finished the book. The producers saw it on her nightstand and wanted to add it to the show because it was a topical pop culture reference. According to her, she never got past page seventy-five before they took the book away. She talks about in the video below, starting at the 16:00 mark.
They don’t let them sleep. This is sounding like a really fun, romantic getaway, right? In case you were wondering why the girls are usually in tears and mildly incoherent in their exit interviews, it’s because they allegedly have the Rose Ceremony at 7:00…in the morning. According to my source, they keep the champagne flowing throughout the whole cocktail party which can go ’til 4:00 or 5:00am, at which point the producers get the ladies together and tell them they have between an hour and an hour and a half until the Rose Ceremony, where they’re expected to be camera-ready. In other words, they get juuust enough time to touch up their makeup and maybe take a disco-nap, and then it’s back to filming. It’s actually pretty genius if it’s true, because it means the girls are drunk and tired, with a much higher likelihood of Tierra LiCausi style outbursts. By the time they’ve been liquored up and standing in their heels for hours, no wonder they’re in tears. They barely know where they are, and if they’re not getting a wedding out of it, what was the the point? Why doesn’t he love me? What’s wrong with meeeeeee?