I’ve been on vacation for a couple weeks, so imagine my surprise when I turned on The Bachelor last night to find out we’re already down to the final four, aka hometown visits. Last time I checked, Tierra LaCausi was tierra-rizing the house, and now she’s gone and all the remaining girls are telling Sean Lowe that they’re falling in love with him. Time flies when you’re on a reality TV show.
The first hometown date was with AshLee Frazier, in Houston, Texas. AshLee has been pretty clear that she loves Sean, but when her dad asks if he loves her back, he says he’s ‘crazy about her and sees that love is on the horizon’. He keeps saying that he can see a life with her, but he’s also holding his face back from hers when they kiss and saying things like, “You’re the best” instead of romantic stuff, so I think he’s just leading her on. But this is The Bachelor after all, so we all have to pretend like marriage is in the cards. To that end, on every single hometown date, Sean asks the dad (or, in Catherine’s case, the mom) if he has their blessing to propose to their daughter. You know, should things go that way. He’s maintaining that he still doesn’t know who he’s gonna choose. AshLee’s dad gives his blessing, and I actually get great vibes from him. He says it was love at first sight when they first took her on as a 4-year old foster child, and that another man will have to fall in love with her like that. Aw. Good job, dad.
The second date is with Catherine Giudice, in Seattle, Washington. This is the date that feels the most real to me. The two of them go to Pike Place Market and throw fish at each other, and Sean is smiling in a genuine way and using the word ‘love’ really casually in sentences when he talks about her. He loves being around her, loves the way he doesn’t have to be the ‘cool guy’ with her, loves that she’s always smiling and making him laugh, loves that she sees both sides of him. There’s a lot of love. And Catherine actually gets bonus points from me for not saying she’s in love with him. Her exact words are, “I want love with Sean”, which I think is a pretty appropriate thing to say when your boyfriend of like…two months is seriously dating three ohter girls and meeting their families. Speaking of which, like Catherine’s family, too. Her sisters are a little intense, because they can’t believe she’s taking the show seriously, but they’re taking Sean’s questions seriously and answering them honestly, which is nice. They’re not sure that Catherine is quite ready to settle down yet, which makes Sean start to doubt their relationship. In his own words, “I don’t know how to move forward with Catherine.” Plus her mom doesn’t explicitly give her blessing for Sean to propose to Catherine, which I was a fan of as well. This is the first time you’re meeting this guy, give me a break.
The next hometown date is with Lindsay Yenter in Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri, and I’m honestly shocked to see she’s still in the competition. She got out of the limo in a wedding dress, if you’ll recall, but she’s still here and giving Sean butterflies, so whatevs. I guess we have different taste. Her dad is a two-star general, so Lindsay puts Sean through a themed workout before they go meet him and dissuades Sean from calling him ‘General Yenter’. Really buddy? They have normal family interactions, and I’m distracted by how much shorter Lindsay is than Sean and her insistence on continuing to use this weird baby voice. Sean really loves her youthful energy, especially when she says she’s falling in love with him and her dad gives his blessing for the proposal because as a paratrooper, he’s familiar with ‘managing risk and being decisive’ and he knows that she’s really ready for kids and a family. At age twenty-four. Jeepers.
And finally, we have Desiree Hartsock, from Newport Beach, California. Here’s where it gets good. First of all there’s this guy who comes in claiming to be her ex-boyfriend and tries to start shit with Sean. They have words and it’s escalating and then…surprise! He’s an actor. Des hired him to return-prank Sean after he convinced her that she broke a million dollar piece of art in that gallery. So…that guy wasn’t really your ex-boyfriend who was still in love with you?That is so shocking, because there was so much latent emotion and depth in his words. What an idiot. Let’s all have a good laugh. Now Sean gets to meet the rest of the family — Des’ mom, dad, and brother, Nate. Oh Nate. You are such an asshole, but you speak so much truth. Both Desiree’s parents are super nice and welcoming to Sean, but Nate tells him that he doesn’t think he’s as in Des as Des is into him. Agreed. He also calls Sean a playboy and says he’s not buying what he’s saying. Double agreed. I mean, the guy is dating four girls at once, that’s just fact. It’s the way the show goes, yeah, but I kind of respect Nate for calling him out. Usually people just go along with it and pretend they’ve just met their new brother-in-law.
And turns out that Nate was exactly right, because Sean eliminates Des at the rose ceremony, after doing his best to convince us that he’s gonna send Catherine home. Yeah right, you’re obsessed with her. Desiree spends the remainder of the episode making lots of crying noises out of her mouth, but no crying water out of her eyes. GIRL. Stop trying to squeeze moisture out of your eyes, you’re gonna hurt yourself.