I’m a fan of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, but I’m gonna be honest — if NeNe Leakes doesn’t come home from Hollywood soon, I’m gonna have to find another guilty pleasure. She’s been off-camera for far too long filming some TV show called The New Normal where they write words down for people called actors to learn in advance and say on-cue. They’re trying it instead of just following crazy people around with their cameras and watching nonsense unfold. I’m not sold on it yet.
But anyway NeNe’s been gone a lot, but the Bravo producers apparently don’t realize how crucial she is to my spiritual well-being, because they’ve continued airing the show without her. I know, I don’t get it either. And without NeNe to label all the crazy behavior and catchphrase her way through her interviews, it’s just five un-self aware rich ladies trying to rustle up plot lines. Whomp whomp. Let me recap it for you. I won’t need any adjectives because without NeNe, everything is just nouns and verbs.
Cynthia Bailey is planning a pageant. She asks Porsha Williams-Stewart to help her, then she un-asks her. When Kenya Moore asks to be a judge, Cynthia begrudgingly (adverb!) says yes. Kenya brings the camera crew with her to the doctor to find out whether she has breast cancer and subjects me to long shots of needles extracting fluids from her pixelated boobs. Kenya does not have cancer. Kandi Burruss is making a gospel record. Someone named Marvin Sapp is there. Kandi’s father is there. Singing happens. Porsha is trying to convince her totally non-domineering husband Cordell that she can handle a child. Her niece Jayden comes over. Porsha watches her. Cynthia visits with NeNe. My heart briefly lights up and colors fill the world and then it’s over and we go back to planning for the pageant. When it comes time to do the pageant, there are hiccups but nothing falls apart. If NeNe had been in town, maybe Kenya might have sabotaged the pageant in an enjoyable way, but instead she is a supportive friend with no criticism. Yawn. Porsha comes late. Phaedra Parks comes later, without Apollo. No mention is made of this because NeNe is the only person smart and direct enough to ask if something whacky is going on in their marriage.
Next week we’re going to visit NeNe in Los Angeles and gladness will return to my television screen. Finally.
(Image: The Hollywood Reporter)