Today, we celebrate the 24th birthday of the crazy genetic mutation that is Elizabeth Olsen. Iâ€™m not really sure how her parents managed to do it, but they created four children: one older brother, fraternal twins, and one younger sibling who all freakishly look- alike.Â I want to call shenanigans and say itâ€™s some government clone experiment gone horribly (and unfairly!) right. But, the new positive person within me (letâ€™s see how long this lasts) will give Jarnett and David Olsenâ€™s baby-making skills the benefit of the doubt. Although all four of them could very easily be quadruplets, but they still have four very different identities. In honor of Elizabeth birthday, I will force her to share the limelight with her siblings, and tell you what your favorite Olsen says about you.
Â Elizabeth Olsen
(Photo: Lisa Toby/WENN.com)
Youâ€™re witty and well-spoken, and you want to be taken seriously in this world. Just because youâ€™re sisters were kid detectives, doesnâ€™t mean you canâ€™t be legitimate. While, you want to distance yourselves from yours (and their past), you still seek out the spotlight. Itâ€™s just a matter of being featured in the right (indie) light. You try to be normal, be grounded even with the type of life that you seek. Youâ€™re hip, cool, and upcoming.
Â Ashley Olsen
(Photo: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com)
Youâ€™re more demure, more introverted. You tend to dress more conservatively, but that doesnâ€™t mean you donâ€™t have a sweet, but sleek flair. Youâ€™re not prone to dramatics.Â You tend to shy away from the spotlight, appreciating the business side of things. You carry yourself like in-bred royalty, when, in fact, you got your fame from playing Bob Sagetâ€™s daughters. You tend to be more private with your relationships, more discrete because no one needs to know your business. While, you tend to be more composed, there is this part of you that canâ€™t be as well adjusted as you seem. There is a part ready and willing to breakdown, itâ€™s just a matter of when.
Â Mary-Kate Olsen
(Photo: Mr. Blue/WENN.com)
Youâ€™re bat shit crazy. You can look both the hobbit and the glamazon. You donâ€™t do anything just for shock-value, but youâ€™re definitely shocking. Honestly, you do whatever the hell you feel like. If that means having smoking weed for a role, youâ€™ll do it. If that means shacking-up with a man 16 years your senior, you donâ€™t care? You do you, babe, and thatâ€™s all that matters. You can be spacey, erratic, unreliable, but youâ€™re definitely a helluva a good time. Even, if your net-worth is in the hundred millions, you are definitely the true bohemian.
You’re mysterious, elusive. Almost, unidentifiable. But, no matter how much you alter your appearance, add patchy facial hair, and even a trucker hat: your genes and the Olsen cheekbones linger. You might be the phantom of your parents failed experiment, the black sheep of the family, but you’re talented in your own right. Your only problem is that no one recognizes it yet. The fact of the matter is, no one might ever recognize that you’re actually the talented one. Cheer up, Charlie, Trent, whatever because you can always live off the coat-tails of your siblings and the royalties from their Gimme Pizza! song.