Hold onto your abs. Matthew McConaughey, of the Eternally Shirtless McConaugheys, has decided to betray everything he stands for by “designing” a line of menswear, which, yes, includes shirts. The jokes write themselves!
Here are some of the jokes that have just written themselves, in my mind:
Matthew McConaughey selling shirts is like…
Stephen Colbert selling bears.
Lindsay Lohan selling whatever fancy rehab facility she goes to.
Kim Kardashian selling privacy.
Octomom selling birth control.
Mel Gibson selling Jews.
Then again, maybe Matthew McConaughey is the person you should most trust to sell you shirts, because he wears them so seldom that he clearly knows how constricting they can be. I imagine the bar is set pretty high for a shirt to be endorsed by Matthew McConaughey. Why, I bet those shirts feel like you are wearing nothing at all.
According to WWD, the line will focus on “active inspired sportswear” and be able to take you from the jungle to the opera. “One of the first things I had written down was ‘from the jungle to the opera,’” Matthew told the publication. “That’s a bit of an exaggeration, but that’s the idea.” Blah blah blah, why are you not doing a sexy cowboy dance?
Matt’s Shirts: You Can Almost Feel The Wind On Your Pecs.